She’s saucy in public but cold in bedroom
SEX LIFE RIGID & BORING
MY girlfriend pretends she’s saucy and sexually adventurous. Any time we go out with friends, she tells blue jokes and makes off-colour comments.
She once jumped up during an open mic night at our local pub and did 10 minutes of smutty comedy. Some gags made my toes curl yet the crowd loved her and she got a standing ovation.
But behind closed doors, she’s cold and fussy. She doesn’t enjoy sex and imposes all sorts of bedroom rules that I must obey.
Touching
From not touching her boobs or giving her oral sex to keeping the lights switched off, she is like a block of ice.
She won’t allow me into bed unless I’ve had a shower first, she thinks that snogging is disgusting and will only agree do the missionary position.
I dare not suggest sex games, toys or dirty weekends away for fear of being branded a pervert.
A lot of her friends are getting married. She seems to go on a hen night or weekend away every month. I’ve seen pictures of her groping male strippers.
There are shots of her pole dancing and getting her kit off. If she’s not got an inflatable penis in one hand and a cocktail in the other, she’s not smiling. I can’t get my head around this split personality.
Why is she so flighty in public but so frigid with me? How do I get her to loosen up and be the lover I need her to be?
Any time I point out that she puts on an act for everyone except me, she bites my head off. I’m struggling to understand her and my place in her sex life.
JANE SAYS: Does your girl love and fancy you? Could she be confused about the true nature of her sexuality?
Could an ex or family member or friend have hurt or frightened her? Can you gently ask her if there is anything that you need to know? Is it possible that she was badly treated in the past?
Sadly, she seems anxious and ill at ease in the bedroom. She views sex as a trial that has to be got over with as quickly as possible.
From the darkened room to various rules, she derives no pleasure from the physical act. Is it fair that you get the buttoned-up version of her?
Fortunately, she’s got you and you’re obviously someone with patience and sympathy. Other people might have walked away by now, but you’re hanging on in there hoping for a solution.
Speak to her away from the bedroom. Explain that you love her, but you need to know what she’s feeling.
Make it clear that you’re not blaming her but things need to change. Explain that you’re willing to help and support her all the way, but need to know why you’re not sharing the best sex.
Suggest you both consider relationship counselling. If she’s not willing at the moment, will she agree to speak to her GP?