Partner’s barred me from our bed
SAYS HE WILL PAY FOR SEX
MY partner has informed me that he no longer wants me sleeping in his bed.
He wants the main bedroom all to himself. I’ve been banished to the loft and told not to bother him. He wants his space.
He’s made it clear that if he feels like sex in future then he’ll go on a hook-up app or pay for an escort.
But what he won’t be doing is knocking on my door for passion. I’ve never felt more washed up and unattractive in my life.
It’s his home and he pays all the bills, so I don’t have any choice but to obey. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.
Harsh
He says he’s not interested in breaking up with me. He’s happy for me to stay at his place (thanks) and we’ll carry on eating together and mixing with friends and family as usual.
It’s just that he no longer fancies me, so the physical side of our relationship is officially over. We’ll be more like housemates or brother and sister.
This feels harsh as I crave his touch and attention and believe I have much to give. Despite everything, I still love and fancy him.
I don’t think he’s got someone else. I don’t think he can be bothered with the hassle of another full-time relationship. I know that I’m not ugly or weird. A couple of guys at work are always joking about fancying me and wanting to take me out.
I’m often made to feel like a freak at home. I’ve confided in his sister who urges me to give him time. She thinks he’s simply going through a funny phase and will see the error of his ways and invite me back into his bed soon.
But I’m afraid that I don’t share her optimism.
JANE SAYS: I’m worried that you could easily slip into the role of carer or skivvy.
Lots of couples exist without sex. They get to a point where it’s not viable or important any more.
But from what I understand, you’ve been locked out of love without any discussion or agreement.
If you’re no longer his lover then what are you? It may be his home, but who is he to impose his rules?
I fear you’re throwing precious years away on a man who doesn’t appreciate you. From rejecting you in bed to talking about sex workers, who does he think he is?
If he doesn’t love you enough to touch you, why are you still together? I’m sure he does like the idea of you rubbing along (domestically) as usual, but what about your self-esteem and personal pride?
Describe how much you’re suffering. Give him a chance to explain himself, but don’t let him fob you off.
Don’t rush into a relationship with either of your colleagues, but do start thinking about your immediate future and what kind of situation will make you happy.
He may currently pay the bills, but there is always life on the other side.