Mystic Mug

He talks a load of crystal balls...

TODAY

Brendan Rodgers comes under more fire after new footage of his interview with BBC Scotland journalist Jane Lewis comes to light. Clips released on social media again show the Celtic boss saying ‘good girl’ to Lewis before throwing a stick onto the pitch and shouting fetch.

TOMORROW

Cristiano Ronaldo is sentenced to be stoned in Saudi Arabia after performing a lewd act in front of students at the University of Riyadh. It is reported CR7 reacted to one of the lecturers before revealing his son’s room is so messy.

SATURDAY

Todd Boehly calls an emergency meeting of all of Chelsea’s first-team staff and players after losing at Brentford and demands they find a way to stop people calling them ‘the blue billion pound bottle jobs’. Boss Mauricio Pochettino suggests they stop wearing blue.

SUNDAY

Gary Neville calls Erling Haaland a blue £52m flat-track bully after he follows up his five goals against Luton with a hat-trick in the Manchester derby.

MONDAY

Sheffield United’s board of directors show they are still fully behind manager Chris ‘only the excuses get’ Wilder, despite losing 5-0 at home to Arsenal, by announcing that they are going to ban sandwiches at Bramall Lane.

TUESDAY

Spursy

Kane is asked if he can take any positives out of what looks like being another trophyless season for him after Bayern are knocked out of the Champions League by Lazio. He responds: “I won’t have to wear lederhosen at the end of the season.” England manager Gareth Southgate responds by telling the FA to hire a witch doctor ahead of this summer’s Euros.

WEDNESDAY

Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man United, Man City and Spurs are still pointless in the European Super League.