Tormented by a man of mystery
HE GOES MISSING FOR DAYS
HOW do I make the man of my dreams fall in love with me?
When we’re together he’s attentive and funny. We go for drinks, have great sex and act like a proper couple.
But then we goes AWOL for days, even weeks on end. He doesn’t respond to my messages or let me know if he’s OK. Then, suddenly, he’s back again and we pick up where we left off.
I love him so much it hurts but I can’t live like this. I want him by my side 24/7. Is that too much to ask for?
It’s embarrassing when friends and family invite us out and I turn up on my own. Answering questions about his whereabouts is awkward. Recently, we were due to attend HIS cousin’s wedding. I bought the present and sent him a hundred texts reminding him of the venue, but he was a no-show.
I stood there, like a lemon, amongst his family making excuses for him. Three days later he rocked up claiming to have been abroad for work. We had fantastic make-up sex, which blew my mind, but I still felt a fool.
I live for the moments we slip under the sheets together.
He’s a brilliant lover with amazing energy, but he’s never mentioned love, moving in or his past relationships. If I’m honest, I know very little about his daily life because he clams up. I don’t know exactly where he lives or what he does for a living.
Any time I try to pin him down he starts looking at his phone. I don’t think he’s married or living with anyone, but simply don’t know for sure.
Several times I’ve told him I’m in love with him and need something more than his casual visits, but he doesn’t respond. I’m terrified of scaring him off. Should I issue an ultimatum?
JANE SAYS: Force yourself to take a step back. I understand you find this man fascinating and mysterious but you’re giving too much away.
You’re wasting time and energy on an individual who does exactly as he likes – and probably always will do. If you don’t even know where he lives or how he makes a living, then red flags should be flapping like mad.
For all you know he could be married with kids, he could have any number of other lovers on the side, and he could pass on a sexually transmitted infection to you.
You mustn’t lose sight of who you are and what you want out of life and a relationship.
I suggest you confront him and tell him you are a proud, intelligent woman with dreams and plans for the future. Explain that you need to know where you both go from here.
Is he willing to open up and embrace an adult relationship? If not, then why not?
I hate the idea of you hanging around. Issuing an ultimatum always carries a risk – there’s the chance he’ll take flight and you’ll never see him again – but that sounds like a result to me…