FAST TRACK TO BIG WIN
Tips for Cheltenham
I SENT my kids dressed to school dressed as John McCririck this week. In my defence I thought it was World Bookie Day.
In fact it turned out it was World Book Day, where children go to class wearing a costume of their favourite character.
So I spent the rest of the afternoon looking at pictures of friends’ kids on Facebook and writing in the comments: “That’s not from a book, you moron!”
I’ve been roping in the whole family to make a book for the big races at the Cheltenham Festival.
Though my wife still has a lot to learn. Last time we went to the races a top tipster came up to her and whispered: “Do you want the winner of the next race?”
She said: “No thanks, I’ve only got a small garden.”
He pointed at a nag and said: “This is a certainty to win. I’ve had a monkey on it. And my mate has a pony on it.” She replied: “Well where is the jockey going to sit then?”
She eventually followed his advice and lost a load of money betting on a horse called Big Landfill. It was a rubbish tip.
In the next race, the horse she bet on got hit by a bottle of champagne at the first fence, some cheese and biscuits at the second, picnic plates and cutlery at the third and was pelted with some pâté at the fourth, before coming in last.
The race report said the horse had been hampered all the way round.
Here are my top tips to get the bookmakers paying out…
TUESDAY: THE GOFFER in the Ultima: Betfair – 6-1
WEDNESDAY: DELTA WORK in the Cross Country: Betway – 11-4
THURSDAY: THEATRE MAN in the Plate Handicap Chase: Betway – 6-1
FRIDAY: FASTORSLOW in the Gold Cup: Ladbrokes – 5-1