Daily Star

Mystic Mug

He talks a load of crystal balls...

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TODAY

Asked if he fears the roof caving in on him at Old Trafford due to all the leaks, United boss Erik cone Head denies there have been any dressing room leaks because none of his players would speak out behind his back and morale remains high.

TOMORROW

Aston Villa’s excited Champions League qualifying boss Unai Emery upsets the Birmingham tourist board when he tells local reporters that as a kid he dreamed of being a matador but now as a man of taste with very high standards and values he wouldn’t be seen dead in the Bull Ring.

SATURDAY

Jurgone Klopp loses his mind when the final pre-match press conference of his reign as Liverpool boss is switched to Saturday at 12.30pm.

SUNDAY

With Man City smashing three goals past West Ham by half-time, the voice of the Mysterons tells Arsenal boss Captain Black to look at the bigger picture and celebrate a season that won’t end with Martin Odegaard taking photos on the club snapper’s camera. MONDAY Ange Postecoglo­u welcomes a make-up artist into his office ahead of an interview with the club media team about his first season at Tottenham. “Mate, I hope you have plenty of that powder stuff to cover up the cracks,” he mumbles. The make-up artist laughs: “Yeah, mines the only good foundation you’ll find at this club.”

TUESDAY

Bayern Munich star Harry Kane’s plans for hosting a lavish garden party at his Bavarian home for Gareth Southgate’s England squad ahead of the Euros in Germany is hastily cancelled due to an embarrassi­ng lack of silverware.

WEDNESDAY

Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man United, Man City and Spurs are still pointless in the European Super League.

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