Clothes maketh the man... so why am I not trusted to dress the twins?
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST TIME DAD OF TWINS
It was my return to the exciting world of city centre bars, but the first pint of expensive artisan beer with friends was overshadowed by revelations about our involvement in family life and what transpired was remarkable from an anthropological point of view.
As we compared notes on household duties, such as emptying the bins and the dishwasher along with cleaning floors and windows, it became clear not one of us had any involvement in clothing our children.
I might dress Thomas, but Victoria would inevitably point out he was wearing Emma’s trousers, and a good top she’d been saving for a birthday party, before undressing him and putting him in something of her choosing, demeaning my wellintentioned efforts.
Not only were we not trusted in garment selection but none of us was authorised to iron, wash or put away children’s items, despite having full responsibility for our own clothing.
We’d also all ventured into the dangerous world of buying things for our offspring, but these always turned out to be the wrong size, colour or style and were subsequently returned.
I recall buying matching tracksuits for the twins that were mysteriously lost in the cupboard and subsequently never worn. They magically appeared one day only for Victoria to announce they were now too small.
This lack of trust meant neither my friends or i had ever packed a child’s holiday
bag, our role limited to moving luggage to wherever we were told to put it.
Knowing Victoria had sorted birthday presents for the twins at least two months prior to the big day, I checked on my friend’s input with celebrations.
Reassuringly, they contributed almost nothing apart from money, buying it on their Amazon Prime account or picking up a previously ordered gift from Argos.
Worryingly, we agreed if it was left to us, the child wouldn’t get a card as they only cared about the presents.
And the idea we might use our own initiative to buy any of the birthday fripperies such as a cake, decorations or balloons was greeted with laughter. But why should all this be so? Part of the reason was revealed when I overheard Victoria on the phone to her mum saying she ‘enjoyed picking out clothes and dressing them’.
That’s when I realised these are not chores but something she relishes, claims as her own and wants to keep me away from – and I’m happy to continue pretending I can’t be trusted to clothe the twins, pack a suitcase, or organise a birthday party and will just stick to the bins and heavy lifting.