Smooth sailing
PAUL HENDERSON IS A CRUISING CONVERT AFTER HIS P&O SEACATION
MY first choice of ocean-going vessel is a 15ft long catamaran. A Hobie Cat is a piece of fibreglass fun with twin hulls, two sails and an extended tiller for trapezing over the waves.
Single-handedly you can fly one hull and let the other hum on the water. With unpredictable wind and water to battle for control, my sailing mates will tell you I’m a capsizing hero.
So, always up for a challenge, here I am and there’s the 143,000 gross tonnage Britannia, shimmering white in the sunshine at Southampton Docks ready to embark on a P&O seacation. It is huge. This is no Hobie.
And it is definitely not a singlehanded enterprise. Captain Paul Brown needs 1,350 crew and five powerful engines to sail this small city.
There are 18 decks, 1,837 cabins, capacity for 3,647 guests, 13 restaurants and cafes, 13 bars, four swimming pools, a theatre and a lot more.
Britannia can travel the world at up to 22 knots (that’s more than 25mph) – similar to a Hobie at full flight!
Beforehand, I had to put together a profile that would have impressed the fiercest Eastern European border guard during the Cold War. Proof of being double vaccinated, proof of adequate medical insurance, a health declaration, passports even though we weren’t even going to see a foreign country, and the usual boarding passes.
Hey ho, it is in the time of Covid and we were getting away for a five-star break from pandemic monotony. There would be 1,100 double-vacced passengers on board – less than a third of the maximum – so there was virtually no chance of catching the evil virus.
But there were other concerns. On this sailing, we would not be stepping off in ports to explore world heritage sites such as the Jurassic Coast as we sailed past the Dorset, Devon and Cornwall shorelines. Still, I came prepared with my newly purchased binoculars. But would I feel trapped? Would there be enough to do?
First impressions are important. And you can’t help being awestruck as you board on Deck 5, knowing there are four decks below and an incredible 13 above.
Then you enter the stunning three-tier atrium where a starburst sculpture explodes in coloured lights.
Our cabin was midship, which is apparently a good place to be for stability, although very little can shake this giant of the seas.
A seasoned cruiser friend advised not to take a cabin that’s too high. We were very high on Deck 15 with a balcony and a fabulous view. I’m pleased to report the Kwells never got close to leaving their packet.
A quick scan of Britannia’s leaflets makes you believe there’s nothing you can’t get on board – from caviar and champagne to hotdogs at one of the pool bars.
The ship’s finest restaurant, The Epicurean on Deck
16, provides a sophisticated gastronomic experience which, with clever design, felt unfussy. Our table faced the sea and a horizon that built up for a great sunset. As the huge sun sank into the Atlantic, the sky became an unforgettable vista of deep red, pink and blue.
We had starters of seared king scallops and 24-hour slow-cooked ox cheek in a bone canoe. Delicious.
The main course was black cod and Canadian cold-water lobster tail with Avruga caviar gratin and a fondue on the side. Food heaven on the high seas. As you would expect, there’s an extra charge for The Epicurean. Just as there is for restaurants Sindhu and Glass House.
The Sindhu’s cuisine is authentic Indian with a British twist in a charming setting. We tried soft shell crab, roast lamb chops, Kerala-style beef flatbreads and seafood biriyani.
It all went down well with our Tiger beers. The excellent Glass House, headed up by wine expert and TV star Olly Smith, is a relaxed place to spend a couple of hours in the evening. Among our choices were tempura prawns and a Sicilian fish stew. We went with a trio of white wines. Great choice, Olly. While dining in the open-plan Glass House we could hear the husky voice of Angela Grace
Brown, who went through decades of songs, starting in the Fifties. The Trawler Men captured the mood with foot-stomping shanties about life on and around the sea. David Kidd as “The Voice Of Tom Jones” was a big hit, especially when he revealed that he sometimes gets fed up with songs from The Valleys and launched into full-on Elvis.
There was big applause for him in the Headliners Theatre. In the same venue, we were hoping to watch England make the right headlines in the Euro 2020 final. It was a great place to watch the game on a huge screen – but less of that for now…
It was raining for our first day at sea, but there was a silver lining in the storm clouds – I was the only one in an outdoor heated swimming pool and Jacuzzi. Two brilliantly sunny days followed, giving everyone hope for better summer days to come.
To counter the round-the-clock food intake on offer, there is yoga, Pilates, “Tour De Cycle”, line dancing and “FitSteps” put together by Strictly dancers Ian Waite and Natalie Lowe. Oh, and a fully equipped gym with instructors and great ocean views.
There’s more but I feel worn out just writing about it. If you’ve overstretched yourself, there’s always the pain-management workshop and the Oasis Spa and Health Club.
Ukranian spa manager Andril runs his own tight ship offering massages, detoxifying and slimming treatments, facial rejuvenation and acupuncture.
Mauritian masseur Vara gave me a hot-stones deep tisbouillabaisse
sue massage that wiped away all my aches and pains and cares and woes. And the binoculars came in handy when one wag shouted, “Dolphins ahoy”. I focused on a pod of six racing our own leviathan of the deep. It was marvellous.
While we were on board, there was a lot to do in four days. Even in seven or 10 days I don’t think we could cover everything.
We spoke to seasoned cruisers who had sailed to bucket-list places: Alaska, China and the Far East; Africa, taking in a safari; the Baltic to St Petersburg. It sounded like a great way to explore them all – a different port every day, returning for dinner before dreaming about the next day’s adventure.
Captain Brown summed it up for me when asked what he was looking forward to as Covid restrictions start to ease: “While our UK-based cruises are a great way to restart cruising, I think everyone is looking forward to the opportunity to go further afield.
“Britannia has a wonderful programme of cruises available, especially in the winter when Britannia will be based in the Caribbean.”
Will I cruise again? Yes, I’m definitely on board.