Derby Telegraph

Frankly, it doesn’t take a genius to see how intelligen­t my children are

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST TIME DAD OF TWINS

- RICHARD IRVINE

“Come and watch Thomas building a café,” Victoria shouted from the lounge/playroom, as I loaded the dishwasher for the second, or even third time that day.

Presumably, this was a café constructe­d from Lego, but it was worth a look on the off chance he had ambitions beyond plastic blocks.

I trudged through to view his creation and gazed upon a fantastic collection of coordinate­d coloured blocks, resembling something akin to a Costa.

Thomas was still busy putting the finishing touches to an upstairs seating terrace, guided only by his imaginatio­n. It occurred to me he might be an architectu­ral prodigy.

Although he wasn’t alone in his genius. Emma was working on an excellent yet emotionall­y wounding portrait of me.

Her approach was based on an exaggerate­d, realistic view of the subject. I had a very large head, dishevelle­d hair, red nose, dark eyes, and an enormous stomach with very small limbs.

It was a superb piece of work, but she was unlikely to receive any commission­s from the aristocrac­y for portraits. They tend to favour a gentler rendering of their appearance.

Soon I’d drifted into an imaginary world, where once they’d got school out the way, the twins could make their fortune, and I could retire to live in a bungalow on their country estate. The only weakness in my plan was my exposure to the abilities of rival

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 ??  ?? Thomas has impressive skills with blocks
Thomas has impressive skills with blocks

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