Feminist life hacks from your fave TV characters
FEMINIST LIFE ADVICE FROM YOUR FAVOURITE TV CHARACTERS
Navigating the daily dilemmas in the obstacle course of life can get a tad overwhelming. Here’s a little inspiration from the most badass women on the box.
You’re walking along the street and a random bloke shouts “dyke” at you.
Passionately recite Shakespearean verse at him. If that doesn’t shut him up scream, “I will cut you”, until he runs away sobbing.
Locate the nearest balcony and kick him off it.
Confuse him with this logic: “Why would you assume I’m a friend of Ellen just because I’m mannish, aggressive, have short hair, only wear tracksuits, coach girls’ sport and I married myself?”
You didn’t hearh his taunts because yoou were too busy riding abouut on your motorbike with your ggorgeous detective girlfriend, savings the world.
Your boss is paying you less than the guy who sits next to you for doing the exact same job.
Wreak revenge by basing a character on him in your acclaimed sci-fi erotica series, Time Hump Chronicles.
Remove your blazer to reveal yourself as the leather-clad commander of the 12 clans you are. Fix your sexist boss with a meaningful stare and declare, “This one is mine”.
Tell him to expect a call from your lawyer, then launch into a performance of Beyoncé’s Who Run The World (Girls), pushing co-workers into walls and setting off fire extinguishers for dramatic effect.
Slay him. Then celebrate with a trip to the local medieval brothel for a lap-dance from a wench.
March into the corner office and confidently explain that you do a brilliant job protecting the planet and you deserve fair and equal compensation.
A sexist, racist orangutan with a Twitter account becomes leader of the free world.
Pee in front of him aggressively. Unfortunately, it turns out he’s into that.
Express your rage through face-paint, make a throne out of branches and lead the resistance.
As the first female Vice Prez of the US, you use your Washington connections to get the orangutan impeached so you can become POTUS yourself, with Becky as your loyal Secretary of State.
Raise an army, climb aboard a battleship and claim the Iron Throne, I mean the White House, as your own. Oh, and slay him, obvs.
You’re used to defending humanity from dangerous forces. With all your stateof-the-art technology, lethal weaponry and the help of your Supergirl sister, the orangutan stands no chance.
You’re giving a speech at the Women’s March and aren’t sure what to say.
“Don’t waste time with chicks who are weeds if you’re a garden rose. And if you like someone, tell her she has nice titties. Girls like that.”
“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice.”
“It’s like Madonna once said: I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, ok.”
“I don’t want to have a dozen sons. I want to have a dozen adventures.”
“I can't promise you a life without pain and loss because pain is a part of life. It's what makes us who we are. It is what makes you a hero.”
DIVAD DISCLAIMER: This article is intended for entertainment purposes only. PleaseP do not take this advice literally, particularly the parts about slaying people.