‘My forced marriage pain’

“I HAD a forced marriage at the age of 17. For years, I described it as arranged because I was trying really hard to be diplomatic and make sure that I didn’t bring reputational harm or hurt my parents.

“But some years into describing it as an arranged marriage, I changed my mind. It wasn’t arranged because I didn’t consent to the marriage, I was forced to agree to get married.

“That decision then led to significant mental health struggles. I felt if I didn’t call it out for what it was, then I wasn’t creating psychological safety for my community, for other men and women to also call out their experiences and validate it.

“I was an incredibly rebellious teenager, and one of the things my family decided was to try and contain me, and help me see what the right way was, [was] to take me to Bangladesh and get me married.

“I found myself in Bangladesh, and actually one of my coping mechanisms was self-harming. It is a mechanism, a tool, if you want to call it that, that people use to cope. I felt quite numb, and if I was self-harming, cutting, then I was able to feel something. I was doing quite a lot of reading, and I was doing quite a lot of cleaning.

“I remember those three things, and routine and structure in my day while I was in Bangladesh became crucial. I also became very much into my faith. I became a practising Muslim during that period, so praying five times a day.

“I’m not a practising Muslim now, but for my 17-year-old self, what I was doing was finding ways to connect with spirituality to give me a sense of grounding. I imagine lots of people will be able to relate to that.”