What to do if facial scars knock your confidence
Q : Two years ago I was in a house fire. We all got out quickly, but I still got burnt when something fell on me as I left the building. It was probably a piece of falling material or curtain but it was enough to give me some nasty burns. I’ve had a few operations, treatments and a skin graft in one area since then that have left me with a lot of scarring on the righthand side of my face and my neck. Recovery has been a painful, slow process and it took me over a year to feel confident enough to start going out socially again.
However, it’s still far from easy. I’ve had people come up to my left side to talk to me, only to turn away when they see my right side. Other people just can’t seem to stop staring. One woman walked right up to me last week and just asked, ‘What happened to you dear?’, as if she had a right to know. It’s upsetting every time it happens, and I usually have what little confidence I have built up being knocked out of me for a few days.
I’ve been told that the scars will fade over time but will never completely go away. Which worries me, because I would hate to always feel like this.
Sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to hide myself away again. A : Please don’t do that, as you’d only really be punishing yourself for other peoples’ shortcomings. Attitudes and reactions to any form of disfigurement can sometimes be negative, unfortunately. But it’s important to realise that not everyone will be doing this maliciously, for the most part it’s unintentional. Some many simply do a doubletake and carry on. Others may stare for too long without realising because they never have seen anything like it. Or they are just curious, as most of us would be when seeing something new. Or they simply turn away in surprise perhaps because they are uncomfortable, or just unsure of what to do or say. That said, some people can also be rude and intrusive.
Thankfully, there are several ways or techniques that you can adopt to respond to these. Changing Faces (changingfaces. org.uk) is a charity that provides information and support to anyone with a scar, mark or condition on their face or body. I won’t detail these techniques here, but there are two important constants in all of them. The first is that you are the one controlling the situation, you get to choose whether to respond in some way or walk away.
The other is not to let the reactions of some misguided people stop you from doing those things in life that you want to do.
You could also consider talking with your GP about a referral for counselling support. You have been through a lot, and a safe space to talk through your feelings could be very helpful.