If you’re planning a trip to Balmoral take a flask and sandwiches

Iknow a number of people in Edinburgh who can afford to go on holiday for the whole of August by renting out their homes during the Fringe. Others make a little extra spending cash by putting up performers in their spare room.

However, I don’t know anyone who has made as much as £124,000 by renting out part of their house for a month. Or stood to make an extra £62,000 by throwing in a pot of tea and some scones. The Royal Family are to open the doors of Balmoral to the public this summer. More accurately, part of the castle will be open to the public for the month of July while the Royals are not in residence. Guests will be limited to groups of ten, with a maximum of 40 visitors per day. Entrance will cost £100, or an extra fifty quid if you want to have afternoon tea.

A number of questions spring to mind. Firstly, does the Royal Family need to make any more money?

Aside from the civil list, they have a massive property portfolio. And don’t forget all the money the Duchy of Cornwall rakes in through selling organic bananas in Waitrose. The Duke of Cornwall is also known as the Prince of Wales or Prince William or that bald guy who always gets free tickets to the FA Cup Final.

Secondly, hasn’t the UK taxpayer already paid for Balmoral? Thirdly, who is going to be daft enough to pay a hundred smackers to look round someone else’s house? I fear the sad answer to that is “probably quite a few”. Fourthly, fifty quid for afternoon tea? You’re having a laugh aren’t you? I’ve just googled tea rooms in Ballater and the average price is around £10 to £20.

If you are planning a trip to Balmoral, it’s far cheaper to go to The Bridge House Cafe or Bean For Coffee on Bridge Street. Or alternatively take a flask and your own sandwiches.

Fifthly, when did they start growing bananas in Cornwall? Global warming really is getting out of control.

Fans of the Royal Family are always keen to point out that they bring lots of tourists into the country. Well, 40 a day actually. And they’ll have had their tea.