Supporting a cancer sufferer
Loved ones can be as important in the recovery process as medical staff
With the recent news that both the King and the Princess of Wales have been diagnosed with cancer, the disease has very much become part of the public consciousness. And how loved ones can help is very much part of a sufferer’s journey - the Princess saying that her husband had been been “a great source of comfort and reassurance” for her.
So how can we support those with cancer? This is what charities recommend... Providesupport
According to Macmillan Cancer Support, it’s important to support your partner, while letting them take as much responsibility as they can for things like their care, the family unit and other decisions.
Keeping an open dialogue with your partner is key, talking about how you both feel, while accepting help from family members and friends if needed. Embraceachangingrole
Every situation is different, but cancer can put pressure on a relationship, and change how your respective roles look – particularly when it comes to things like housework, finances and social activities.
“This can lead to resentment, or you may feel guilty that you are not doing enough. These changes can be hard for you and your partner. It is important to talk to each other about how you feel and what matters to you,” Macmillan says.
Keeping an open dialogue can help with this, and Macmillan also recommends making time for each other – doing things you enjoy and talking about things other than cancer.
Trytolisten
This is key advice for supporting anyone with cancer, not just a partner.
Cancer Research UK say you don’t need to have all the answers, but just listening to a loved one’s thoughts and feelings can have a huge impact.
To be a better listener, Cancer Research UK recommends letting the person with cancer lead the conversation without interrupting them, maintaining eye contact without staring, talking in a private and relaxed setting, and avoiding trying to cheer them up if they cry – instead reassuring them it’s OK to be sad, as it’s a normal response to what’s happening to them.
The charity also advises against falling into traps like giving advice if the person with cancer hasn’t asked for it, and using humour inappropriately.
Silence is OK – you don’t have to fill every break in the conversation with words. Exploreintimacytogether
Cancer can impact someone’s life in a variety of ways – everybody’s experience is different.
But research from Macmillan in partnership with sexual wellness brand Lovehoney found that almost 23% of people living with cancer in the UK are concerned about their sex lives or romantic relationships.
Tracey Palmer, Macmillan information and support manager at Whittington Health NHS Trust, said: “We know that for many, sex and intimacy following a diagnosis is a huge concern and thousands of people with cancer are suffering in silence, causing a huge amount of stress and anxiety.”
If cancer and its treatment is impacting sex between you and your partner, Macmillan recommends talking to your partner first and foremost, and if appropriate, encouraging them to talk to professionals. Takecareofyourselftoo
“Remember, although you have not been diagnosed, you are going through your own experience of cancer. It is OK to ask for help for yourself as well as for your partner,” Macmillan says.
■ Cancer Research UK has a dedicated forum for those supporting a loved one with cancer, and you can also call the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00.
If you need help with your relationship, the charity Relate can provide support.