When is too old to try for another baby?
Q: I’m 36 and have two children aged 11 and 13. I have just remarried, and my 42-year-old new husband is wonderful.
He too has teenage children, aged 13 and 14. As a family, we are very happy together and our children get on well, but we think it would be a good thing if we had a child together.
Although my pregnancies were both relatively easy in my 20s, I am worried that I am now too old, however. I suppose it’s because I am worried about it all going wrong. I know, for example, that I couldn’t cope if our child had a disability.
That probably sounds a bit callous, but I had friend at school who had a disability and I remember how exhausted her mum always looked. When she died last year, her mum was a broken women, a shadow of the person I had known as a child.
I know there are many more tests that can be done during pregnancy these days to detect problems, but it all seems very confusing and worrying. I love the idea of having a child with my husband but am worried about something going wrong. What should I do?
M.R.
A: I can’t tell you what you should do. It’s a decision that you need to discuss fully with your husband, and both of you need to be sure it’s what you want. Please don’t make this kind of decision just to make a partner happy.
However, I can categorically tell that you are not too old to have another child. You’re both at an age when many couples these days are in the throes of having their first child. It’s true that older mothers carry a greater risk of certain difficulties. That said, many mothers considerably older than you, go on to have a healthy first child.
You are right in thinking that there are several tests, scans and antenatal checks that can be done during pregnancy, and sometimes before, to detect potential issues. Some are simple blood tests or ultrasound scans that carry little or no risk. Others involve taking a sample from the amniotic fluid or the placenta, and these do carry a small chance of triggering a miscarriage.
For more information about the various antenatal tests please contact the National Childbirth Trust NCT (nct.org. uk). The charity has a section of its website that details the pros and cons of each test or screen. If you still have concerns or questions, I suggest you arrange to see your GP.
One final thought, if you do have tests to determine the health of your baby, what will you do if the tests find something? Would you feel able to have an abortion?
How would your husband feel about this? How would your children react? The two of you need to talk all of this through.