BEING MY OWN CHEERLEADER
“I’M HAPPY to BROADCAST
WHAT I’M TERRIBLE AT,
but I CANNOT DO the SAME
FOR MY STRENGTHS ”
Terrible at ball games, bad at DIY and incapable of applying liquid eyeliner: just three of the personal ‘failings’ I’ve taken it upon myself to tell friends, colleagues and perfect strangers about recently. Add to that the misbehaving fringe I spent one afternoon pointing out to everyone I met (Uber driver included), and you begin to get the picture: my name is Alice-Azania Jarvis, and I’m addicted to self-deprecation.
I’m not sure where this confessional impulse comes from, but I do know its limits. While I’m happy to broadcast what I’m terrible at, I cannot do the same with my strengths. For all my friends know, I might be a whizz at maths or in possession of preternaturally excellent ping-pong skills. Will they ever find out? Don’t be ridiculous.
Almost every woman I know suffers from this disease – self-deprecatis, if you like. We’ve all seen that Amy Schumer skit where a group of friends deflect one another’s compliments until they explode. ‘I tried to look like Kate Hudson but ended up looking like a golden retriever’s dingleberry’… ‘I’m going to get fired in like two seconds’… BOOM. Research suggests as much as 7O per cent of women’s jokes are based on self-deprecation**.
Lately, I’ve started to wonder what all this is doing. Never mind the fact it hardly projects Smart, Capable Woman With Her Shit Together – what about my own self image? Studies show this kind of ‘negative self-talk’ can have knock-on effects: what we say becomes what we believe.
At a recent party, I ran into an acquaintance, who congratulated me on an article. Instead of a simple ‘thank you’, I launched into an analysis of what was wrong with it, trailing off when I noticed her furrowed brow. ‘Alice,’ she said, ‘Will you shut up and tell me something you’ve done that you’re proud of?’ The fact it took me ten minutes to think of a response was the wake-up call I needed. So this year, I have made only one resolution: to stop being my own worst enemy – and start becoming my own cheerleader.