THE BEAUTY INDUSTRY WANTS YOUR VAGINA

FACIALS, PEELS, 12-STEP ROUTINES... FOR YOUR SKIN, SURE. BUT that SKIN? TREATMENTS CLAIMING TO TIGHTEN, TONE AND REFRESH OUR GENITALIA ARE ON THE RISE. ONE WRITER PUTS THEM TO THE TEST…

There’s a host of treatments designed to ‘refresh’ your genitals, but would you try them? One writer did…

I never thought I’d find myself spread-eagled, knickers off, in the office of someone who wasn’t my doctor. How did I get here? I wonder, as the man in question puts down his measuring tape, pulls out a felt-tip pen and carefully draws a dotted line across my inner labia.

When he does finally raise his head from between my legs, pen poised, Dr Niekerk says only one thing: ‘You’re not abnormal. But there is work you could have done.’ In case you missed the memo, there’s a vulva beauty movement going on right now. Forget douches and Femfresh, the beauty world is now flogging us products that promise to moisturise, whiten, tighten, plump and even highlight (yes, just like your cheekbones) our genital area. It appears the neverending quest for ‘perfection’ has finally reached our most private of parts, but the question is: are we, and most importantly our vulvas, ready for it?

I wonder this as I find myself (yet again – there’s a theme in this story) horizontal, legs agape, on a treatment table with a smiling therapist leaning over me. I am having something called the Bikini Facial at Bea Skin Clinic, London, which sounds benign enough. The therapist gets to work with a scrub on my inner thighs. ‘It’s basically a pre-holiday refresh for your bikini line,’ she explains, narrowing her eyes to make sure she eliminates every single remaining ingrown hair. ‘It’ll get rid of any dead skin and all the ingrowns.’ Forty-five minutes later and I’m done. I may have the glowiest bikini line in all of London. Not that anyone would know.