HOW MUCH IS A PINT OF MILK?

Jeff ‘Ludajeff’ Bridges tackles the biggest questions of them all.

What’s your earliest memory?

I don’t know if being a photographer has anything to do with this, but memories are so caught up with the photographs that you see of yourself at a young age. I have one of myself, I think I’m about maybe four. I have an empty gun belt on, I’m holding a teddy bear, I’m standing in front of the tree that I used to love to climb, and I’ve got this intense smile on my face. And as I look at that photograph I remember the joy I used to have of just playing all by myself.

Which film have you seen more than any other?

It’s a toss-up between The Big Lebowski and The Godfather. When I watch TV and Lebowski comes on, I’ll say, “I’ll just watch a couple of scenes,” and I get hooked, man. I can’t stop it. I wanna see Turturro lick the ball, or John toss Donny to the wind. I admit I’m biased, but I think those Coen brothers, they’re masters. They make wonderful films. And Francis’ Godfather ain’t bad, either [laughs].

Do people ever quote your lines back at you?

Sure. “The Dude abides” comes up the most. My buddy Bernie Glassman was a zen master. He once said to me, “You realise in many Buddhist circles The Dude is considered a zen master?” I said, “What are you talking about, man?” He said, “Oh yeah, the movie is full of koans.” They’re like zen questions that you can’t really answer intellectually — a famous one is, “What’s the sound of one hand clapping?” And he listed them, “The Dude abides” being one of them. He suggested we write a book, and we did, called The Dude And The Zen Master. One of our favourite koans that’s in there is, “That’s just, like, your opinion, man.” That’s not only good to say to somebody else, but to say to yourself.

You don’t remember from the scene where you buy a carton of half-andhalf in The Big Lebowski?

Oh, wait. I see myself writing that cheque... Is it 93 cents? That’s what I wanna say. I don’t know if that’s accurate or not. But that’s what comes to my mind. [It was actually 69 cents.]

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?

That’s a rather personal question! Oh, some bad uni. It’s something you get in a sushi restaurant. It’s sea urchin. I gagged.

What’s your favourite animal?

I think cetaceans are wonderful animals. I spent some time with John Lilly, a scientist who’s attempted to communicate with dolphins. Dolphins have brains larger than ours. They have no possessions, they talk to each other, they’re very sexual animals. It’s amazing, we wonder if there are other beings out there in outer space and yet we have this animal living on our planet with this huge brain. It seems like it would behoove us to try and hang out a bit, you know?

Nobody else comes close.

Well, probably everybody comes close. But maybe everybody’s Jeff Bridges and I haven’t figured that out yet!

What’s your favourite joke?

The one I tell my kids: what’s invisible and smells like worms? A bird fart.

When were you last naked outdoors?

This morning. I did my back exercises out there. It’s kind of a wonderful thing: you just kind of go out in your birthday suit and let that weenie dangle.

Where do you go when you die?

[Thinks for a long time] Well, this is what pops up in my head: I go home. And home is God… And God is reality. DAN JOLIN

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