THE RANKING

Keanu Reeves. Woah.

Chris: When did we first meet Keanu Reeves?

Beth: A VHS of Much Ado About Nothing. I would go so far as to say that this was an early crush for old Beth Webb. Nothing says lust like Keanu Reeves in leather trousers.

Chris: You’ve come in talking like a Cornish fisherman.

Beth: My dad was hoping to get me onto the harder stuff early on, but my mum swept in with Much Ado and I’ve been in love ever since.

Chris: There’s an argument to be made that in Much Ado he’s the handsomest man ever.

Amon: He’s not even the most handsome man in that movie. Denzel Washington is in that movie.

Chris: I thought you were talking about Robert

Sean Leonard.

Helen: Everybody looks their best in that movie. Everybody looks so freaking hot.

Chris: You can’t see what’s going on because there’s so much steam.

Helen: I don’t think that’s peak Keanu hotness.

Chris: We’re here to discuss the man’s work, but fuck it.

Beth: We’ve gone in with the thirst.

Chris: What’s peak Keanu Hotness?

Helen: It’s a difficult question. I’ve drawn up charts. I was introduced to Keanu in the mid ’90s or early ’90s. I think it was Excellent Adventure I saw first, then Point Break. That’s a onetwo knockout punch. Excellent Adventure has peak hair.

Chris: That’s wrong.

Helen: And Point Break is everything. But there’s an argument that he’s at his hottest in Speed.

Chris: With the buzz cut. Amon: Speed is a good shout.

Something’s Gotta Give?

That’s the movie where Diane Keaton picks Jack Nicholson over Keanu.

Helen: Come on.

Amon: I was really enjoying the movie up until that point, but come on now.

Chris: Now we’ve objectified Keanu sufficiently, Amon — when did you first get introduced to Keanu?

Amon: The Matrix was my first Keanu.

Helen: I remember that almost as a comeback. It felt like he’d been away for a year or two, then The Matrix happened.

Chris: I was first introduced to Keanu when I started reading

Empire in 1989. Back then he

was a young actor very much on the rise. He was on the cusp of Point Break and Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey and My Own Private Idaho, which all came out in 1991. But even then he was a bit of a punchline.

Helen: “Cool breeze between the ears.”

Chris: Which is a real shame. The joke was basically he’s so pretty, but he can’t act. I don’t think that’s true, but what about you guys? Do you think Keanu Reeves is a good actor?

Beth: I do. We need to be kinder to Keanu. I think there’s a lot going on behind there. Still waters run deep.

Helen: He’s clearly a guy who’s curious, interested and intelligent. I think he’s good at identifying what he can do well. He’s made five or six worldbeating, genre-defining films, and nobody does that by accident. Most actors are lucky to do one or two, but to have a Speed, a Matrix, a Bill & Ted, a Point Break and a John Wick,

that’s extraordinary.

Amon: There are more talented actors, obviously. There are few who are as good at using the abilities they have to maximum effect.

Beth: He knows what his currency is. As an action hero he’s no Bruce Willis or Jeanclaude Van Damme. He’s not a macho action hero, he’s a vulnerable and an intelligent one, and calm under pressure. He’s a tortured soul. You want to look after him a little bit as well.

Amon: Protect Keanu at all costs.

Helen: These are not the choices of a guy who has no brain.

Chris: Helen is right. He has to my mind six iconic roles. One would have been an absolute iconic role had the movie hit at the time. It’s been rediscovered since, and that movie is

Constantine. He’s not anyone’s idea of John Constantine. But that movie is tremendous.

Helen: It’s amazing how many of those characters are called John.

Chris: It’s a very easy name to remember.

Beth: Leave him alone!

Chris: I’m allowed one!

Helen: Isn’t it interesting that someone with one of the most interesting names in Hollywood has made his career playing people with the most boring names? And they say he has no talent.

Chris: A lot of his roles are action roles. Technically, all the John Wick films qualify as part of the ‘geriaction’ genre, where older movie stars are doing their thang. Keanu’s now 55, I believe. He doesn’t look it.

Amon: I would like some of the vampire juice that he’s clearly sipping.

Beth: I want to see more Dad Keanu. He’s a dad in the new

Bill & Ted, but we haven’t seen him as father Reeves much.

Helen: I also think he doesn’t get enough credit for being a fan and a movie nerd. He made a documentary about digital film versus filmmaking. He directed

Man Of Tai Chi because he’s so into martial arts ever since

The Matrix. These are not the actions of somebody who comes in for a big pay cheque. Chris: John Wick wasn’t a big pay cheque. The first one struggled; it was only word-ofmouth that kept it going. Now it’s a phenomenon. There may be someone in this room who’s more excited for John Wick: Chapter 4 than they are for

The Matrix 4.

Amon: I’m excited about Matrix 4, but John Wick 4?

Give me that movie now.

Helen: In my eyes.

Beth: No way.

Amon: Really?

Beth: John Wick 2 is the greatest of the franchise. John Wick 2 is the sweet spot. You get to step into the world. John Wick’s not even the best thing in the second film. Then with the third film it started to take itself a little too seriously for my liking. They need to make it more camp for the fourth.

Amon: The first 30 minutes of

John Wick: Chapter 3, if that was the film, would be my favourite movie of the year.

Chris: It would be short.

Amon: I’d watch it many times. Chris: Let’s talk Point Break.

Helen: It’s one of my all-time favourite films. It’s probably his most quotable film. It’s the way Kathryn Bigelow has always played with masculinity and explored it in her films; the same way George Cukor is a great director of women, she’s a great director of men. It digs into a lot of action movie tropes and ideas of bro-ness.

Chris: It’s a movie that has its meatball sub and eats it in terms of that stuff. It is exploring it, taking the piss a little bit, but also presenting a straight-up action classic.

Beth: The thing I like about him in Point Break is that this is a man who’s not afraid to be rescued. In the first scene with Lori Petty, she has to save him. Trinity has to save him. Keanu’s Ladies, I like to call them. Let Keanu’s Ladies do the work.

Helen: He is your unproblematic fave.

Chris: Right, enough squabbling — let’s vote!