Godzilla Vs. Kong

Unfiltered, uncensored, uncompromising trailer reactions from team EMPIRE

John Nugent (News Editor): Are people looking forward to this? Ben, you famously gave the last Godzilla film a one-star review.

Ben Travis (Online Staff Writer): I am actually one of the few people who liked Kong: Skull Island. But yeah, Godzilla: King Of The Monsters was rough. It was no fun and there were too many humans. I’m excited for this one: it looks big and silly and fun in the way these films should be. This shot here is, according to some on the internet, a hint of Mechagodzilla. James Dyer (Digital Editor-in-chief ):

That cannot be true. At some point, unbeknownst to everyone, someone has built a 150-foot-tall robot dinosaur?

Ben: How is that less plausible than any of the other stuff happening here? Mike Cathro (Deputy Art Director):

Those red dots could be Mechagodzilla’s nuclear nipples.

Ben: King Kong is an absolute unit in this film. Apparently he’s three times bigger than in Kong: Skull Island.

John: He’s had a puberty growth spurt.

James: He was already a fair bit bigger than Peter Jackson’s Kong, wasn’t he?

Ben: He was. In Skull Island, he was able to hold a helicopter in his hand. Look at this shot — this little girl is half the height of one of his fingers!

John: Skull Island was set in the ’70s, right? So he’s had 50-odd years to grow as big as Godzilla, assuming this is present day.

Mike: Are we going to see an older Tom Hiddleston, do you think?

John: Almost certainly not, but I would love that — Hiddleston made-up like Old Man Cap. Joanna Moran (Photography Director):

Alexander Skarsgård is in this. He knows about monkeys, doesn’t he, because he was Tarzan.

Ben: I think the world has forgotten that he was Tarzan. And I think he has probably forgotten, too.

Joanna: Is he not the go-to monkey whisperer?

Ben: I wonder if they’re playing on the classic King Kong themes. He has a human connection with someone — in this case a child.

Mike: It’s not going to be a Ratatouille situation where she sits on his head, though.

Ben: This line makes me absolutely cackle. “It’s Godzilla!” No fucking shit it’s Godzilla!

John: I feel quite sorry for Rebecca Hall. She’s obviously been lumped with some quite atrocious dialogue.

James: That was the problem with the first [reboot] Godzilla film: really leaden, tedious human stuff surrounding the monster action.

John: Yeah. They don’t really know what to do with the humans in these films, do they?

James: All the stuff about conspiracies and agencies… nobody gives a shit! We just want big things punching each other!

John: Can anyone explain to me why exactly they’re fighting, and who we’re supposed to be rooting for? Does the film even know?

James: No idea.

Ben: I love the stupid music on this trailer. Do you remember the Roland Emmerich Godzilla had the Puff Daddy and Jimmy Page collab? I had that on cassette growing up.

Mike: That soundtrack was amazing. It had Jamiroquai on it.

John: This trailer music sounds like WWE entrance music.

Ben: This is a really good punch. John: Proper right hook, isn’t it?

James: This is classic kaiju stuff, isn’t it? It feels more Pacific Rim than King Kong.

Ben: I think this is meant to be Hong Kong. It’s got a lot of work to do to try to compete with Pacific Rim’s Hong Kong showdown. Ben: Kyle Chandler’s back!

Joanna: I love him.

Mike: He’s the king of being a dad in films like this.

John: Always wearing a shirt and loose tie…

Joanna: He’s a DILF. Liz Beardsworth (Production Editor):

Is this all a metaphor for the economic battle between east and west? John: Godzilla was always a metaphor for the fear of nuclear war — the original was made less than a decade after Hiroshima. I don’t know that these films are keeping that thread going.

James: Well, it looks fun.

Ben: I like the bit where the big monkey hit the big lizard.

James: They’ve leaned into the stupidity and I’m kinda here for that. Liz: Especially if you have a few beers and wines and a big telly.

John: Whose side are you on, though? I’m Team Mechagodzilla.

Ben: Team Kong! Actually, I don’t care who wins, as long as they’re punching each other. Joanna: I’m on whatever side Kyle Chandler is on.

Ben: James, which side are you on? James: They’re both twats. GODZILLA VS. KONG DOES NOT CURRENTLY HAVE A RELEASE DATE