MINNIE DRIVER
How much is a pint of milk?
It’s about 50p. No, I didn’t look it up! Everyone drinks milk in my house and I buy it. I don’t drink cow’s milk. I drink almond milk. But this question started me thinking about the production of milk and how they take calves away from milk cows at 36 hours, and then I was thinking about how much water it takes to water an almond tree in California. Now suddenly this light-hearted question has made me feel very morally problematic. I thought this was going to be fun and you’ve made me feel morally bankrupt, so thanks.
What was your role in your first school play?
I played Glinda the Good Witch in The Wizard Of Oz. For some reason, I decided I wanted to do it on roller skates, wearing a white jumpsuit. And they let me. It was a good lesson that you can get away with pretty much anything in theatre.
Who’s the most famous person you could text right now?
Probably Dave Grohl. I briefly went out with the [Foo Fighters’] drummer Taylor, and went on tour with them. Dave and I became friends and we’ve stayed friends. He’s one of my favourite people in the world. Maybe I’ll text him now. No, I won’t. He’s in America, he won’t be up yet.
What one thing do you do better than anyone else you know?
I can stop babies crying on airplanes. I have this jigging, patting, humming protocol that will just calm them down. It’s actually a superpower.
When in your life were you most starstruck?
Right, I’m a total dog lech. I will stop and talk to every dog. No interest in the owner. I was walking in West Hollywood and I saw this beautiful Golden Retriever. I was happily chatting away to him, then I look up: Joni Mitchell. Genuinely couldn’t speak. All the things I wanted to say about all she meant to me, couldn’t get them out. Instead I recommended her some dog worming treatment.
What’s the worst smell in the world?
I was once travelling around Southeast Asia and we were going from Cambodia to Vietnam, across the Mekong. We arrived just as the tide was going out. I got out of the car and I involuntarily retched, because the smell was extraordinary. It was like fishbones and all the trash that gets dumped in the Mekong. It was the most astonishing assault on the nose.
Have you ever written fan mail?
Oh, lots. I’ve written a lot to Neil Young. Apparently, he had these two properties on a lake in Canada, and when he was recording Harvest, in order to hear it in stereo, he would go out onto the lake and have the album playing from both properties at once. I wanted to know if that was true. He hasn’t written back yet. He is probably overwhelmed by the volume of letters I’ve sent.
When were you last naked outdoors?
I have just moved back to London from California. In California, I would swim in the sea every day, rain or shine. It’s the thing I missed most, so I went to the Ladies’ Pond on Hampstead Heath to do some wild swimming. Everybody’s naked. Nobody cares. It’s glorious.
What film have you seen more than any other?
Tootsie. I adore it. On every set I’m on, whenever someone tells the cameraman to pull back, I always go, “How far? How do you feel about Cleveland?”
What’s your most irrational fear?
I can’t cope with anyone being in the same room when I’m in the shower. Bath, fine. But anyone in the room when I’m in the shower gives me proper fear.
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
[Filthy laugh] Well, what can I say? Okay, the PG answer is that the worst thing I’ve ever eaten was something my son lovingly made for me. He made a ‘cake’ and added everything he could find — salt, oregano, cinnamon — and then cooked it. Had to eat it. Completely foul.