KNOW YOUR PLUMBOBS FROM YOUR WOOHOOS
READ EMPIRE’S HANDY GUIDE TO THE SIMS AHEAD OF THEIR BIG-SCREEN ADVENTURE
REALLY? A MOVIE ABOUT THE SIMS? WHAT WILL THAT EVEN BE? Sure, it sounds odd. But in a postLEGO, post-barbie world, there’s real potential here — especially with Margot Robbie producing, and Loki’s Kate Herron directing. Since The Sims is a life simulator — where players guide Sims into work, relationships, parenthood and more — you could easily make a social satire, or just go completely wild. Stay tuned to see which actors will get those glowing green diamonds above their heads.
GREEN DIAMONDS? Yep. Every Sim has a floating crystal — technically called a ‘Plumbob’ — indicating their mood and needs that appears when you’ve clicked on them in the game. If it turns yellow, they need help. If it turns red, they need a total lifestyle overhaul.
HMM. THIS HARDLY SOUNDS LIKE CITIZEN KANE.
Wait, come back! Citizen Kane actually factors in here. The game’s most famous cheat code is ‘Rosebud’ — a get-rich-quick cash-booster, so you can skip the whole ‘find a job, slowly build your bank’ side of the game and immediately furnish your home with the most expensive mod-cons. It may well be Orson Welles’ greatest impact on popular culture.
WHERE’S THE DANGER? THE STAKES DON’T SOUND VERY HIGH. Easy for you to say as a regular human. For Sims, danger lurks everywhere. Cooking inevitably leads to house fires, while you can catch ‘rabid rodent fever’ from your pets, or even die from laughter — no joke. Not to mention, countless Sims have been killed by cruel gamers who lure their avatars into swimming pools, remove the steps, and let them drown.
BUMMER. CAN WE BRING THE MOOD UP A BIT? Fine, stick on the radio and let’s vibe out to some jaunty Simlish pop songs.
SIMLISH? The official Sims language, duh. For The Sims 3, Katy Perry re-recorded her hit ‘Last Friday Night’ entirely in gobbledygook. Here’s hoping the film has a banger-filled soundtrack of Simlish-sung smashes.
RIGHT. ARE WE DONE? That about covers it.
WOOHOO! Don’t say that. ‘Woohoo’ in the Sims world is the official term for… you know… making baby Sims. It’s an ambiguous but vigorous affair, all bouncing bedsheets and backflipping pillows.
I WISH I DIDN’T KNOW THIS. Too late. Game over.