THE FILM THAT BIRTHED A THOUSAND MEMES

Right: want to get the premise out the way so we can get on with talking about the press conference? Well, it’s this psychological thriller, in which…

Okay, that’ll do. So what in the name of Leaping Liam Payne was going on at that press conference? Well, personally I find it annoying when magazines talk about THAT something-or-other — THAT interview, et cetera — but this truly was the press conference of a thousand THATs. And none-more-THAT than THAT droning monologue from the world’s sexiest pop Goliath.

Yeah that was… Can he act? Um… you know how, I dunno, Chris Moyles has got a great face for radio? Or Kate Moss has got a great singing voice for modelling? Well, Harry Styles has… great guitar-playing skills for acting.

Ouch. Just kidding! He’s fine. But anyway, who cares? The whole thing is now a circus, and who goes to the circus to see whether someone can act or not?

Fair point. Okay, I’m in. Great. Hopefully Michael Flatley’s Blackbird is still on, too: we can make a night of it.

‘Don’t Worry Darling’ opens in cinemas on 23 Sep