Let’s not be beastly to the Japanese, Boris
FOREIGN Secretary Boris Johnson found time in his busy schedule to rally the troops at Conservative Party HQ last night, manning the phone banks for the Witney by-election. It was, of course, David Cameron’s old seat, and Boris praised him. “David Cameron is such a nice man,” he said. “Such a generous man. I don’t think he would mind, I don’t think he would be insulted if we got an even bigger majority.”
But was the party being faithful to Boris? What was notable were the jolly hecklers trying to get Johnson into hot water with their cries.
“There’s only one problem we face,” he said, “one cloud on the horizon, bigger than a man’s hand — what is that?” “Trump,” an audience member heckled. “No, um... it’s not Trump. I’m becoming a master of diplomacy, as you know, and nothing would induce me to pass any comment whatsoever about the American elections.” “Or the Russians?” another voice piped up.
Cue much bluster from Boris. But then he got himself into his own tangle. The Lib-Dems are insurgent in Witney, and Boris launched into an attack on them. “Just when you think you’ve eradicated
DIRECTOR Oliver Stone’s new drama Snowden, based on the controversial whistleblower, sees Joely Richardson play former Guardian US editor-in-chief Janine Gibson. Does the favourable casting mean Gibson made a beeline for the premiere? “I haven’t seen it,” them they seam themselves again into the byways of the countryside of Oxfordshire like ragwood,” he said. “Like yellow ragwood — is it Japanese knotweed? That’s orange, isn’t it? Nasty, Japanese, orange knotweed.”
Gasps followed. “But not because it’s Japanese,” he hastily added. “We are on very good relations with Tokyo but we need to eradicate them. The Liberal Democrats.” Crisis averted — for now.
Gibson, now at the helm of BuzzFeed, told us yesterday. “And no, I haven’t ever met or spoken to Joely. I hear she said that she looks nothing like me, and I can indeed confirm that I look nothing like the gorgeous, six-foot blonde glamazon Joely Richardson.”