Chance to make a love match. Phoebe Luckhurst knows the score
Colombians and Mexicans second and third respectively — it would only feel slightly predatory to rejig your search for love accordingly. Incidentally, only five per cent of Belgians rate themselves highly as lovers — which is, if nothing else, ammunition for heckling their team during its fixture with England next Thursday evening.
The Brazilians are reputedly inveterate orgasm fakers (72 per cent report a sham performance), while Colombians are “the champion cheats” (72 per cent admit to playing away), followed by Swedes , Argentinians and Spaniards.
The Portuguese have the most stamina for an extra-time tussle: more than 36 per cent of those surveyed can — apparently — last at least 46 minutes. In Australia, 43 per cent can’t last longer than 20 minutes, which won’t surprise anyone who’s ever hooked up with one on a backpacking holiday.
Men of the match
If you’re getting nowhere — or are happily in a monogamous relationship — then you can content yourself with a crush. Teamsheets across the world are full of players worthy of your affections: fearless free-kick takers, intuitive goalkeepers, brooding managers whose minds you just want to climb inside.
Take Senegal manager, Aliou Cisse, a former Portsmouth midfielder and an extraordinarily handsome man who took the West African team to an unexpected victory against Poland on Tuesday afternoon, and became a meme in the process: his celebration, a triple fist pump, delighted all corners of the internet. Men of the zeitgeist are worthy crushes.
Sadly, Morocco have been expunged from the World Cup after losing to Cristiano Ronaldo on Wednesday eve n i n g , a s their manager Her vé Renard had become quite the sensation — or, in the earthier words of The Cut, “People are horny as hell for Morocco coach Hervé Renard.”
Mercifully, we still have France striker Olivier Giroud — who’s starting to make an impact on the pitch — though to be frank, simply knowing he’s there warms the heart and loins. Mexican winger Hirving Lozano is now “one to watch” after putting one away — moreover, it was against the old enemy Germany, so he’s worthy of a place in your heart.
Though PSA for German fans: defender Mats Hummels looks like a safe pair of hands, pun very much intended.
Obviously, you reserve a soft spot for Prince Harry (Kane), scorer of both our goals on Monday, and spirited cutiepie Dele Alli.
Oh, and Australia’s Mile Jedinak has also done the double — first against France, second against Denmark — and has a brooding lumbersexual aesthetic that complements his intuitive flair.
Don’t stop fantasising: it could be a match made in heaven.
There’s been a 66 per cent rise in
Tinder matches and people are throwing their arms around each other in pubs