Rib- Ticklers . . . . . . . . . . .
Puns Jokes, and funny stories!
When they installed bungee ropes in the church tower the bell ringers hit the roof.
When the zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a costume and act like the animal until the zoo can get a replacement.
In the cage, the actor makes faces, swings around, and draws a huge crowd. He then crawls across the top of the lion’s cage, pulling faces, shaking his fist and infuriating the animal. All the while the actor stays in character until, suddenly, he loses his grip and falls into the lion’s cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, “Help me! Help me!”
The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers, “Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?”
What’s big and bright and silly? A fool moon.
Old Miss Smith was walking down the High Street when she spotted a man who, judging by the state of his clothes, was down on his luck. Feeling sorry for him, she gave him a £ 5 note and said, “Be strong.”
Two days later, she was walking down the street again when the man came running over to her and pressed 11 £ 5 notes into her hand. “What’s this?” she asked. “Be strong,” he said, “came in first at 10- 1.”
Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they’d look stupid in anoraks.
Billy won a prize in a pub raffle: a bottle with 50 one- pound coins in it. He celebrated with a few drinks so as he made his way home was a little unsteady on his feet. As he approached his front door he slipped and dropped the bottle, which smashed, sending coins cascading all over the path. “Oh,” he thinks, “I’ll leave them till the morning, nobody will see them in the dark.”
Next morning his wife wakes him up. “Guess what I found on the doorstep,” she says. “I know,” says Billy, “50 pounds.” “No,” she says, “100 bottles of milk.”
Did you hear about the man who drove his car into the lake one night?
He was trying to dip his headlights.
First Boy: Are you having a party for your birthday?
Second Boy: No, I’m having a witch do. First Boy: What’s a witch do? Second Boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells.
Where are average things manufactured?
What’s red and flies and wobbles at the same time?