Rib- Tick­lers . . . . . . . . . . .

Puns Jokes, and funny sto­ries!

Evergreen - - Contents Summer 2015 -

When they in­stalled bungee ropes in the church tower the bell ringers hit the roof.

When the zoo’s go­rilla dies, the zookeeper hires an ac­tor to wear a cos­tume and act like the an­i­mal un­til the zoo can get a re­place­ment.

In the cage, the ac­tor makes faces, swings around, and draws a huge crowd. He then crawls across the top of the lion’s cage, pulling faces, shak­ing his fist and in­fu­ri­at­ing the an­i­mal. All the while the ac­tor stays in char­ac­ter un­til, sud­denly, he loses his grip and falls into the lion’s cage.

Ter­ri­fied, the ac­tor shouts, “Help me! Help me!”

The lion pounces, opens its mas­sive jaws, and whis­pers, “Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?”

What’s big and bright and silly? A fool moon.

Old Miss Smith was walk­ing down the High Street when she spot­ted a man who, judg­ing by the state of his clothes, was down on his luck. Feel­ing sorry for him, she gave him a £ 5 note and said, “Be strong.”

Two days later, she was walk­ing down the street again when the man came run­ning over to her and pressed 11 £ 5 notes into her hand. “What’s this?” she asked. “Be strong,” he said, “came in first at 10- 1.”

Why do bears have fur coats ? Be­cause they’d look stupid in anoraks.

Billy won a prize in a pub raf­fle: a bot­tle with 50 one- pound coins in it. He cel­e­brated with a few drinks so as he made his way home was a lit­tle un­steady on his feet. As he ap­proached his front door he slipped and dropped the bot­tle, which smashed, send­ing coins cas­cad­ing all over the path. “Oh,” he thinks, “I’ll leave them till the morn­ing, no­body will see them in the dark.”

Next morn­ing his wife wakes him up. “Guess what I found on the doorstep,” she says. “I know,” says Billy, “50 pounds.” “No,” she says, “100 bot­tles of milk.”

Did you hear about the man who drove his car into the lake one night?

He was try­ing to dip his head­lights.

First Boy: Are you hav­ing a party for your birth­day?

Sec­ond Boy: No, I’m hav­ing a witch do. First Boy: What’s a witch do? Sec­ond Boy: She flies around on a broom­stick cast­ing spells.

Where are av­er­age things man­u­fac­tured?

The sat­is­fac­tory.

What’s red and flies and wob­bles at the same time?

A jel­ly­copter.

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