Volkswagen T-roc R
If it’s discreet performance you’re after, this T-roc’s got it covered
THE T-ROC R IS A BIT LIKE THAT neighbour of yours. You know the one. You pass each other in the street quite regularly and you both say ‘hi’ perfectly amicably. About twice a year you are forced, by dint of Hermes having misdelivered, to pop round and knock on his door and then there’s an awkward extension of the ‘hi’ conversation into ‘All well with you?’ without actually knowing what ‘all’ might refer to. You think Alan (or is it Steve?) is something to do with finance or possibly IT. He’s fine, harmless, a bit dull. Ordinary.
Then one day you’re chatting to Jill, who lives at number 42 (incidentally she doesn’t really know what you do and, yes, there is a reason she never says your name), and she casually says that Steve (not Alan) is an Air Ambulance helicopter pilot who is also regularly in demand as a heavy metal session guitarist and once took a monkey off Angelina Jolie in a late-night poker game.
The T-roc R is a Steve. People are dismissive of it and when they casually enquire what it’s like they generally can’t help raising both eyebrows when I say that it is an R version, and they’re utterly flabbergasted when I tell them that it has almost 300bhp. You can see them glance at it again, seeing this apparently mundane little crossover in a hitherto unexpected light.
Even when you first drive it, the T-R R seems to want to hide its light under a bushel. Left to its own devices, the DSG’S algorithm shuffles the gears with little enthusiasm. Downchanges come late and upchanges come early, meaning that the engine is always some way off the boil. It’s no doubt highly effective for emissions, which I gather VW has some interest in, but not for instilling a sense of fun.
But knock the shifter across to manual, hold on to the revs and the EA888 engine suddenly comes alive. By 4000rpm it sounds like it’s revving more strenuously than it is, but this is where it needs to be as it then gains a much harder performance edge all the way to 7000rpm. The punch it delivers out of corners shouldn’t be shocking if you’ve read the spec sheet and seen the 4.8sec 0-62mph time, but nonetheless, startling it is.
One thing that I hadn’t realised until after a bit of investigation is that the T-roc R has shorter gearing than a Mk7.5 Golf R. This certainly makes sense though, as it feels rabid when you let it off the leash, ripping through its ratios with a real hunger.
What this all means, of course, is that the T-roc R is a card-carrying member of a rather appealing club; It is a Q-car. Everyone will look at a 718 Cayman or GR Yaris, but this apparently humble Volkswagen will show them both a clean set of titanium tailpipes off the line. If you own one, your neighbours won’t have a clue how quickly you can get to work. Doing whatever it is you do for a job.
Date acquired December 2020 Total mileage 5016 Mileage this month 501 Costs this month £0 mpg this month 30.7