ALTERNATIVE VIEW
Following the news Ferrari has filed patents in the US to augment the noise of highperformance electric motors, we bring a special report from the Scuderia’s HQ
“FERRARI PLOTS TO REPLACE ITS engines’ roar with speakers… Green engineers have found a way to replicate its distinctive growl… through an external speaker positioned above the rear axle.”
The Times, 25 January 2023
From GP Racing’s Arts and Reproductive Organs Correspondent
Maranello, 3 February 2023
The unusual sound of Ferrari’s 2023 car, the SF-23, was heard for the first time this morning in the Braying Horse Studio, a new structure attached to the team’s Racing Assembly Area. A carbon sound system, fitted to the SF-23, was turned up in the presence of team principal Frédéric Vasseur and Seb Belius, the FIA’S newly appointed delegate for transparency, democracy and decent digital interface.
Previously known as ‘The Initial Fire-up’, Ferrari say this so-called ‘Racing Album Release’ is a very special moment for any F1 team. “This is the first time the recording is brought to life when fitted to the chassis after months of development by our recently created SAD (Scuderia Audio Department),” said Vasseur, before taking a red seat in the soundproof auditorium.
Vice president Piero Ferrari was asked to choose which channel he would prefer for this special occasion. Moving to the mixing desk, Mr Ferrari scrolled through the menu and settled on ‘1968 Overture for 12 Cylinders, Opus 10, Monza’.
On a reverential nod from Mr Ferrari, Beat Hoven, the head of harmony, reached into the cockpit and pushed a yellow steering wheel button marked with a treble clef shaped to cleverly resemble a black prancing horse. The room was suddenly and dramatically filled with the sound of Chris Amon’s 312 F1-68 accelerating hard from the pits at Monza. Senior members of the team were seen dreamily closing their eyes and immersing themselves in the classic sound. One, as if conducting, was shifting an imaginary gear lever with his right hand. (By visiting Lighterandlouder.com, younger fans will be able to download a diagram showing the quaint arrangement of three pedals in the footwell, plus a full description of the double-declutch technique.)
Hoven, dressed in tails with a white bow tie and matching lapel rose, was seen moving majestically to the SAD control room and gently tweaking voltage regulators while checking his wristwatch. This was in accordance with the amended FIA 2023 F1 Technical Regulations – specifically Article 93.8 (Recording Studio Diversity and Diligence): “Sound engineers are limited to a maximum of one hour per day listening to any F1 engine pre-hybrid 2014 for fear of causing undue longing for a proper racing engine. This follows the FIA’S desire to tick all boxes and not upset anyone unduly by extensive playing of what might be termed as ‘sweet and proper music’ by belligerent F1 fans of a certain age.”
The track lasted for 1 minute and 10 seconds. It should have been much longer but, true to his abysmal luck, Amon’s engine had broken before the lap was completed. As the revs died, Hoven skilfully applied the fader moments before the clatter and jangle of stressed metal could be heard. With earnest aplomb, Hoven asked his studio technicians to remove their headsets and take a bow. A long round of applause was followed by calls of “Encore”.
Scrolling though the playlist once more, Piero
Ferrari settled on ‘The Boxer’ by Scheckter and Villeneuve. Hoven duly called for quiet by tapping on the side of the cockpit with his replica camshaft and pressing the yellow button once more. Sounds of a flat-12 engulfed the room. Aficionados nodded with approval and understanding as engine revs momentarily shot to 13,000 rpm. “That’s Jody. Missed gear. Silverstone ’79,” said one. “No, no,” whispered another. “That was Gilles, flat out over the bad bump at Zandvoort.” The glorious beat of 12 cylinders on full harmony continued for another minute before Hoven’s white-gloved hands slowly reduced the melody to a distant echo. More enthusiastic applause followed. Many in the room were moved to tears.
Gaspare Fregatura, Ferrari’s head of bilancio raduzione, explained how the team’s cost cap had not been compromised. “This reproduction system has nothing to do with the car’s performance and comes under ‘Employee Benefits and Mental Wellbeing,’” he said. “We ’ave noticed when the sounds are played, people are ’appy and smiling much more. This applies across the whole workforce and such diversity is in accordance with the wants of our very good friends at the FIA. For that reason, we are ’appy to include this sound system, even though it means extra weight in the car.”
Meanwhile, Red Bull has protested Ferrari’s sound system. It is claimed the positioning of the twin speakers has been carefully calculated and the additional weight is compensated by a performance advantage. “I mean, it’s just not fair,” said a Red Bull spokesperson. “We estimate that the pressure waves created by the sound system give extra downforce around the rear wing. It also has the potential to upset Ma… er, both our drivers. The sound of a V12 at peak revs is very distracting and creates the impression of, y’know, being really, really fast. There’s absolutely no truth in the rumour that we’re protesting because the only sound available to us through our new connection with Ford is that of a Transit van in Epping High Street.”
Haas says it will not consider an external sound system. “No way! It’s total bullshit!” said team principal Guenther Steiner. “I’ve said to our drivers, ‘If you like the sound of noisy engines, you can go “Brrmm…brrmm…brrmm” in the cockpit all day long for all we care – but just make sure it’s not being filmed on Netflix.’ I mean, we don’t want to look completely bloody stupid.”
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH LONGER BUT, TRUE TO HIS ABYSMAL LUCK, AMON’S ENGINE HAD BROKEN BEFORE THE LAP WAS COMPLETED