The Daily Telegraph - Features
‘I’m 77 and consider myself middle-aged’
‘Age is just a number’ is a truism for a reason, says Jan Etherington, who intends to do a lot more living
When I was 30, I wrote a piece for She magazine which began: “Well, it’s all down to personality, now the looks have gone…” Little did I know that 47 years later, I would truly believe that I still have a lot more living to do so I completely relate to the recent survey that claims that the older we get, our perception of when “old age” begins, gets higher.
Interestingly, women, on average, believe old age starts two years later than men think it does. At 65, modern women believe old age kicks in at about 76, compared to men’s belief that it’s 74. “Age is just a number” is a truism and, while I hate birthday cards with numbers on them, I celebrate the fact that I share my birth year with Charlotte Rampling, Diane Keaton, Susan Sarandon, Cher and Dame Joanna Lumley – and we’re all still working! Indeed, I wrote my Radio 4 comedy series, Conversations From a Long Marriage, specially for Joanna because I was tired of the depiction of older women as being in a care home or a coma, or as bitchy ex-wives or ditsy nanas. Joanna epitomised how we all want to grow older – smart, funny, fit… and absolutely fabulous.
Joanna often tells me she’s “never been busier” and I have to say, neither have I. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever been more active, except perhaps in my school days.
Passing my 11-plus, I went to one of the best grammar schools in the country. Academically, I disappointed but I was thrilled to become games captain.
In the 1970s as a young mother, I was heaving around pushchairs and toddlers and played squash. But throughout my life, I’ve always loved swimming and, having moved to the Suffolk coast 11 years ago, I now start every day of the year with a swim in the North Sea (yes, it’s cold; no, we don’t wear wetsuits; and yes, we probably are certifiably barmy). I do a quick spurt of tai chi on the beach, walk my English setter dog and yesterday, I went to a Pilates class, where the young and flexible seem impressed with the core strength of us senior railcard holders.
The only health app I have on my phone is a step tracker. I’m no gym bunny, the kind who sobs if they don’t hit 10,000 steps a day and boasts a “regime” that includes two figs for breakfast, a fast from Tuesday to Friday, a 10km run every morning and in which a “treat” is a white wine at Christmas.
Yes, I want to stay as fit as I can, while also enjoying cake, crisps and red wine. I like the age I am. No, I don’t want to stay “young” and I’ve never had “work” done.
My mother was an excellent role model for her four daughters. She joined the Women’s League of Health and Beauty in the 1930s. I still have a film of my mum, and hundreds of other women, performing a dance routine to music in the Albert Hall in the 50s.
Of course I’m very aware that, while genes can play a major part in good health, there is also an element of chance to staying well in later life. We’ve all lost friends over the years who led fit and healthy lives but were side-swiped by the heartbreaking randomness of a life-limiting illness.
In fact, very close to home, my lovely husband, Gavin, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2019 and now I have gradually gone from being a wife and writing partner with a strong, vibrant, funny partner, to becoming his carer. This is a responsibility that has made me even more aware of the need for me to stay healthy.
Nurturing friendships, retaining your curiosity – and certainly your sense of humour – are essential as we age. Some say that older women feel patronised. Recently, I went with my 90-year-old artist friend to buy her some new trousers. The 12-year-old sales girl looked at us and asked: “Are we having a nice day out, ladies?”
My friend was calm but steely. “No. I’m going back to my studio to finish my painting for the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition and Jan is off to write an article for The Telegraph.”
As you get older, there’s a plethora of advice on food, fitness and, especially, fashion. Should you go sleeveless after 50? Wear a bikini? Oh, stop it! I’ve never suited a pleated skirt but that’s as far as I go in fashion no-nos. Wear what makes you feel good. We’ve lived long enough to follow the advice of Mama Cass Elliot and “make your own kind of music”.
Talking of which, as a former music journalist, I’m heading for the Latitude Festival in July. Yes, I will be dancing at the front to Duran Duran and Rick Astley. But I won’t wear a pleated skirt.
All five series of Jan Etherington’s ‘Conversations From a Long Marriage’ are available on BBC Sounds