THE CONSPIRASPHERE
Get your T-shirts here! Noel Rooney scores himself some official merch from the Illuminati website... but is this commercial activity by the hidden masters actually anything new?
the ‘official illuminati website’ has excited a mini furore in the last couple of months, at least as much in the mainstream as the alternative media. several newspapers have run stories on it, and questions have been bandied about on a few of the more popular conspiracy sites. Quite why it has suddenly become a thing is unclear; to my knowledge, the website has been around since 2014 at least. But papers like the Daily Express and Sun have run articles giving the impression that the phenomenon has suddenly burst onto the internet.
actually it’s a group of sites: there’s illuminati.org, which looks like the home portal; illuminati.am (i believe .am is the signature for armenian websites, which may or may not tell us something); and dodis.co, which appears to be the official merchandising arm of the group (you can get t-shirts and banners, as well as the now well-publicised pendant, which incorporates the representative cliché symbols of the illuminati into one ugly hybrid, a sort of vulgar monas hieroglyphica of the new World order).
there has been an enjoyable amount of agonising in the Conspirasphere as to whether this is really them coming out of the (presumably rather well-appointed) closet, or merely a scam to tempt a few punters to part with money for a pendant and a copy of the (comically badly written) illuminati testament; the fact that there is a membership sign-up option has prompted a few to twist the tale a little further and suggest that it is a hoax on a hoax to entrap the unwary into signing up to the ‘real’ NWO. the TV ad (actually a youtube video that has been around for a while now) is a velvety big-production number with a throaty voice-over offering, well, all the things you might expect from the benign hidden masters of the world; peace, love, and reassurance that they are watching. along with some brief, bland bits of blurb under pretentious titles, it’s the nearest thing to information on the sites.
some commentators have attempted to trace the website, without much success. one part of it is registered to a domain shop in Canada, another to an individual apparently named obsidian maskreet, in Beverley hills, California; perspicuous investigative hacks have suggested this may be an alias. there is a social media outlet too, which seems to have a large number of followers. Why anyone would go to these lengths for a scam is a question only marginally more mysterious than why the masters of the Universe would need to rely on merchandising.
the appearance, or resurrection, of the site prompted me to go in search of other contenders for the official illuminati Website; it turns out that this is a crowded market, although to be fair the others are mostly pretty amateur by comparison. nonetheless, there were a few gems littering the field. i particularly liked the wonderfully illiterate illuminati-order.org, which offers a beautiful example of why you shouldn’t use Google translate for your manifesto (“without forgetting the teachings them great masters all the times”, as we in the know like to gurgle into our napkins). equally entertaining is the illuminatiofficialafrica.org site, which offers, among the other benefits of joining the hidden masters, a golf package. if you prefer your illuminati portals enigmatic, then i’d recommend illuminatiorder.org. the entry page is a shimmering pyramid; there is little else to the site except for a blank white square asking for a Key Value, whatever that is. if you want real payoff, type illuminati backwards into your search engine and you’ll end up on the nsa website; now that is strange. www.express.co.uk/news/weird/758675/ illuminati-website-new-World-orderilluminatioffical-org; http://illuminati-order. org/newworldorder/; www.illuminatiofficial. org/;www.illuminatiofficialafrica.org/blogs/ tag/illuminati%20official%20africa/