CRIMINAL CROPPERS
Bungling burglars, deluded dope dealers and hopeless house-breakers are among this month’s least wanted...
• Firefighters freed a burglary suspect stuck for seven hours in a chicken takeaway shop’s extractor unit in Handsworth, Birmingham. The man got stuck at 2am on 2 November 2017, and was freed at 9am the following morning when neighbours heard his cries for help and called police. PC Matthew Willcocks said: “The fire brigade had to use the jaws of life to pull back the casing to release him”. A 45-year-old local man was arrested. Guardian, 3 Nov 2017.
• A burglar who tried to break into a storage unit at night on 25 February was chased away by up to 80,000 angry bees after leaping over an 8ft (2.4m) fence and crash-landing on hives. He scaled the fence around the compound near Tower Bridge, London, in an apparent bid to pinch tools and machinery; but the boxes, each housing 20,000 insects cared for by Bermondsey Street Bees, were knocked over. Owner Dale Gibson, 61, sent the raider a message: “The bees were sad you left so quickly and empty-handed – they hope the swellings go down soon.” D.Mirror, 6 Mar; Eve. Standard, 12 Mar 2019.
• Burglars used a blowtorch to break into an ATM machine in Florida, but they never hit the jackpot. Video footage shows the two men entering the Boardwalk on Okaloosa Island on 31 May. One was armed with a crowbar and acted as the lookout while the other took the blowtorch to the ATM. Instead of cutting the ATM with the blowtorch, the would-be thief welded the metal parts shut and the pair left with nothing. [AP] 5 June 2019.
• Last March, Terry Sawyers, 39, walked into a lamppost and knocked himself out. Police found him lying unconscious on a pavement in the City of London with a gash on his forehead. In a bag nearby were four laptops, seven cameras, a mobile phone and £1,000 in luncheon vouchers which he had stolen in three burglaries that day. Sawyers, of East Ham, east London, who had 79 previous convictions, got 16 months. Sun, D.Express, 4 May 2019.
• An Israeli man robbed two banks in Beersheba armed with an avocado he claimed was a grenade. Painting the avocado black, he used it to threaten cashiers, who handed over 30,000 shekels (£6,600). The 47-year-old, who disguised himself with shades and an eye patch, was arrested. Laurence Vonderdell, 50, held up a Barclays Bank in Bournemouth on 25 March, “brandishing” a banana inside a carrier bag and telling a cashier: “This is a stickup. Give me the cash.” He fled with £1,000 in £20 notes, but later gave himself up. He was jailed for 14 months. D.Telegraph, 11+18 June 2019.
• James Longden, 30, broke into his neighbour’s flat in Chester while he was at work, taking his laptop, jewellery and clothing. The unnamed victim later discovered his stolen possessions for sale on eBay. After winning a bid for his own watch, he made contact with the seller and found it was his neighbour. Longden, unaware who his buyer was, went to meet him to deliver the watch, only to be greeted by police officers. The vast majority of the stolen items were then discovered in Longden’s flat. He was jailed for two years and four months. D.Express, 25 Jan 2019. • Rowdy Lapham, owner of Gold Hardwood Floors, arrived at work to find his store in Grand Rapids, Michigan, had been burgled – but the only things missing were some ‘gold bars’ made of foam rubber, featuring the company’s logo. Employee Nick Butler said the thief might have walked past a window, seen the stack of bars and “thought, ‘Wow, someone forgot to put these gold bars away’.” The squeezable bars were actually for stress relief, as the company’s motto is “Stress-free flooring”. (Sydney) D.Telegraph, 26 May 2018.
• A fugitive on Canada’s Most Wanted list led police to his doorstep after announcing where he was living in a defiant Facebook message to a TV station publicising his case. Jessie Dean Kowalchuk, 27, spotted his photo on the website of TV station CFJC Today in Kamloops, and sent a taunting Facebook message, saying he was in neighbouring Alberta province. “News flash morons I’m in Edmonton and not coming back,” he wrote. Police were notified of his location and arrested him. (Queensland) Courier Mail, 17 May 2019.
• A dope dealer was caught after stamping blocks of hashish with his own name. Steven Best, 30, was jailed for 42 months after admitting possessing drugs with intent to supply. Some were found in a lock-up he owned, the rest at his home in Sompting, West Sussex, and on his yacht in Brighton Marina. Metro, 17 June 2019.
• A man who had just robbed a bank in Waterville, Maine, ran across four lanes of traffic and a restaurant parking lot before slipping on ice and dropping his gun and the money in front of a state police special agent. A gust of wind swept the greenbacks across the parking lot while the man was arrested. The weapon turned out to be a BB gun. [AP] 12 Feb 2019.
• When Nate Roman, 44, came home from work on 15 May, he could tell that a stranger had been in his house on a typical suburban tree-lined street in Marlborough, Massachusetts. He said it was possible that he forgot to lock his back door, because whoever entered his house didn’t break anything to gain entry, but neither did they take anything. They had neatly made the beds, vacuumed the rugs and scrubbed the toilets. They even crafted ornate origami roses on the toilet paper rolls in the bathrooms. Every room in his house was cleaned, except for the kitchen. “We have not received any reports similar to this in other locations, and we have no suspects at this time,” said Police Sergeant Daniel Campbell. “It’s funny now, but didn’t feel funny at the time,” Roman said. “I kept the toilet paper roses as souvenirs.” Boston Globe, 23 May 2019.