SIDELINES...

HOO POO PROTEST

The villagers of Hoo in Kent, which is near an Amazon depot, were so fed up at seeing lorry drivers defecating on grass verges that they left a toilet bowl and cistern out on a verge to shame the loose-bowelled truckers. But a roll of toilet paper, also left on display, was stolen. Drivers park outside the depot as they have to pay to use facilities in the warehouse. Villagers complain that “dozens a day” use the grass verges to do their business. “There’s shit everywhere,” said one angry local. Sun, 5 Dec 2020.

BUM RAP

Two men were caught burgling a house in Stoke-on-Trent when one of them sat on his phone and accidentally dialled 999 mid-crime. The hapless pair were described by Chief Inspector John Owen as the “world’s unluckiest burglars”. He explained how his officers had received the unusual call, hearing “all of their antics up to the point of hearing our patrols arrive to arrest them”. Two men aged 49 and 42 were taken into custody. BBC News, 7 Jan 2021.

EVIL EMPIRE

Google has apologised after its Ukrainian to Russian function in Google Translate rendered ‘Russia’ as ‘Mordor’. ‘Russians’ was translated as ‘occupiers’ and Russia’s foreign minister Sergei Lavrov became “sad little horse”. Google denied hackers were responsible for the unusual translations, instead blaming a “technical error”. D.Telegraph, 7 Jan 2016.

CANNIBAL SANDWICH

US health experts have begged Midwesterners to forgo the so-called ‘cannibal sandwich’ – a slice of bread topped with raw minced beef, onions and pepper. The dish was first served to University of Colorado students as part of the Packer Day Feast, in honour of Alferd Packer’s ill-fated 1873 expedition in which five explorers reputedly died and were eaten. Otherwise known as ‘tiger meat’ or ‘wildcat’, the delicacy is responsible for hundreds of people falling ill each year. Wisconsin’s department of health stated: “Eating raw meat is NEVER recommended”. D.Telegraph, 21 Dec 2020.