SIDELINES...

FELINY ASSAULT

An ex-con is back in jail after allegedly striking her male roommate in the face with a cat. Wendi Hird, 56, and her 73-year-old victim were once lovers but are now platonic friends. After a “verbal argument” at their Largo, Florida home, police say Hird took their cat and threw it at the victim’s head, causing it to scratch him. Hird then herself struck the man in the face. She was arrested for domestic battery on a person over 65, a felony. thesmokinggun.com 2 Mar 2021.

TYRELESS

Alex Oates, 24, drove his Fiat Punto on a motorway with no tyres. An off-duty cop saw sparks flying from all four wheels and called 999. At one stage, Oates stopped and tried pushing the car along the M65 motorway in Lancashire. Drink had been taken. Oates admitted he was a ‘moron’. Sun, 28 Sept 2020.

PAVED WITH GOLD

Horsham District Council is reviewing CCTV footage after reports that a large section of pavement was stolen from Storrington, a West Sussex village. Dozens of paving slabs were found to be missing and the council have reported the theft to Sussex Police. BBC News, 3 Mar 2021.

GULL GOT YOUR TONGUE?

An argument between two strangers in an Edinburgh street turned feral when Bethaney Ryan, 27, attacked James McKenzie and bit off part of his tongue. When Mr McKenzie spat out the chunk of tongue, he was horrified to see a seagull swoop down and eat it. dailyrecord.co.uk, 21 Feb 2021.