262: KILROYUS WAS HERE

There are 11,000 or so graffiti on the walls of Pompeii – such scribblings were not, of course, unique to this town, and they are also a motif in some classical literary texts. They are collected in volume 4 of the Corpus Inscriptionum Latinarum. Various websites provide selections in English. Greater abundance in Jack Lindsay’s The Writing on the Wall (1960) and Matteo Della Corte’s Loves and Lovers in Ancient Pompeii (tr. A Van Buren, 1960). Best modern analysis by Kristina Milnor, Graffiti and the Literary Landscape in Roman Pompeii (2014). Robert Reisner’s Graffiti: Two ThousandYears of Wall Writing (1971) entertainingly encapsulates their generic history.

The Pompeian scribblings are classifiable under various, largely distinct categories. They speak for themselves. On occasion, some brief scholia may help. One unsurprising feature is their frequent errors of grammar and spelling, naturally evoking the Romani Eunt Domus scene in which John Cleese corrects the errors in Graham Chapman’s graffito in Life of Brian.

Multifarious sexual matters come first, naturally. TRIGGER WARNING: this segment contains ‘adult language and themes’. Another, transitional caveat. It is not always clear whether the rooms and buildings adorned with these graffiti are brothels or inns or private houses.

Heterosexual and homosexual activities run roughly 50-50. In both, there is an erotically charged ‘Kilroy-Was-Here” atmosphere, an almost universal naming of participants, matter-of-fact anatomical observations, some ambiguous descriptions, and a deal of individual braggadocio: “I shagged the barmaid”; “I’ve fucked a lot of girls here”; “Staphylus was here with Quieta”; “Staphylus was here with Romula” – he evidently put it about a bit. “Here I penetrated her open buttocks, though should not be admitting this” – Martial (Epigrams, bk11 no105) begs his wife to allow him this as a special treat.

“I have buggered men”; “Secundus likes to bugger boys”; “Weep, girls. My prick no longer wants you. Now, it goes up men’s bums” – Rufinus ( Greek Anthology, bk5 no19) turned the other way. “Amplicatus, I know Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this” – early case of ‘outing’? “Hermeros screwed here with Phileterus and Caphisus” – a threeway male orgy, or with female partners?

But, there could be health problems. The following graffito vividly highlights this danger: “Chie, I hope your hæmorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than ever before” – in Roman slang, piles were called figs, a complaint of adult passives much ridiculed by the likes of Martial.

“Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates”; “It is much better to fuck a hairy cunt than a smooth one; it both retains the warmth and stimulates the organ” – no vajazzing here. The age-old debate between ‘Brazilians’ and a good ‘minge-fringe’ (I gather) continues.

“Floronius, privileged 7th Legionary, was here. Only six women showed up, too few for such a stallion”; “Celadius the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girls”; “Crescens the net-man [special style of gladiator] is the doctor who cures the morning girls, the night girls and all the others” – I’ve more than a sneaking feeling these accolades were put up by the macho honourees themselves. There’s also a gay one – “Let Damoetas surrender to me and he’ll be happier than Pasiphæ” (sc. the Cretan queen who had herself done by a bull, thus producing the Minotaur.) A shittier topic frequently crops up: “To the one defecating here, beware of the curse”; “Lesbianus, you defecate here and write ‘Hello, Everyone’”; “Secundus defecated here, three times on one wall” – case of ‘Roman tummy”?; “Apollinaris, doctor of emperor Titus, defecated well here” – a royal medico on the same level as a street yobbo.

How much did women feature in Roman rhyparography? – a topic lavishly explored by Sara Levin-Richardson, Classical Journal 108 (2013), 319-45. Thanks to Latin caseendings, there are several clear cases: “I was fucked here”; “I was ruined here”;

“I, Felicla, fucked here”; “Serena hates Isidorus”; “Lucilia made a lot of money from her body” – there are many advertisements by prostitutes for their specialised services and the exact cost, such as: “Attice costs four sestertii”; “Glyko licks cunts for two asses” – also written up is a bar-cum-brothel operated by the bawd Asellina, whose girls included a multiracial crew: Palmyra the Oriental, Aglæ the Greek, Maria the Jewess, Zmyrina the Exotic.

Other graffiti are ambiguous, for example: “Midusa the cock-sucker”; “Amaryllis is the blow-job babe”; “Ionis sucked Philetus off here”; “Fortunata sucks”.

Not just sex. A goodly number disclose tenderness of spirit, affections, love requited or thwarted: “Successus the weaver loves Iris the barmaid, but she cares not for him, and the more he pleads the less she cares”; “Cruel Lalagus, why do you not love me”; “Let him perish who knows not love”; “Figurus loves Idaia”; “Marcus loves Spendusa”; “I wouldn’t sell my husband for all the gold in the world”; “Vibius slept here alone, and missed his darling Urbana”; “May I die if God wishes me to live without you” – many more in this vein.

Election slogans are another common graffiti theme. There are about 2,500.

For municipal ones only; nobody elected emperors or senators. Both individuals and ‘special interest groups’ put them up. Unlike modern ones, there is little in the way of ‘negative campaigning’. Humour is welcomely prominent – were there Roman Monster Raving Loonies?

“The late drinkers ask you to vote for Vatia”; “All the dead-beats supportVatia” – he sounds like a Roman Screaming Lord Sutch. “Isis worshippers support Sabinus”; “His anxious grandmother Tedia begs you to vote for Secundus”; “Aselina’s girls are all for Lollius” – these are the prostitutes mentioned above – campaigner for sex workers?

Miscellaneous other messages abound, from commercial advertisements to personal utterances: “Cheap drink here” – detailed price list appended; “Damn you, landlord, selling us water, keeping the best stuff for yourself”; “Nuceria has better drink” – this neighbouring town is often mentioned. In AD 59 (Tacitus, Ann. bk14 ch17), many of its gladiator fans were killed by the home crowd in the first-ever recorded sports riot. “Sorry, mine host, we wet the bed, no chamber pot”; “Abascantius sells the best garum” – a common ad for this basic Roman fermented fish stock; “There’ll be gladiators fighting on May 31. Sun awnings provided”

As said, many graffiti contain grammatical and spelling mistakes, thus offering some insight into local educational standards. By contrast, there are a fair number showing literary sophistication, quoting and/or parodying classic Roman poets.

Plutarch ( On Curiosity, paras 520D-E) deprecated graffiti as “containing nothing useful or pleasing, all quite ridiculous”.

He was wrong. They all add up to a panorama of clues that would enrich the still unwritten history of Roman emotions and popular morality.

One final graffito concludes and sums up this survey:

“O, Wall, I’m amazed you haven’t fallen down under the weight of all this rubbish.”