PHALLIC ROUND-UP
Strange but true, or cock and balls stories?
Giant willy housing estate and other news
GIANT COCK-UP
Residents of Loughborough, Leicestershire, were less than impressed when builders Persimmon unveiled plans for a new estate in the town. Seen from above, the estate’s cul-de-sacs look like a series of male genitalia. Loughborough resident Gary Moore, 40, said “Nobody wants a willyshaped housing estate on their doorsteps. They are massive as well; you could probably see them from space” A spokesman for the developer said the design will “provide sufficient turning space for larger vehicles”. Metro, 4 June 2021.
“Nobody wants a giant willyshaped housing estate on their doorstep”
CUT OFF IN HIS PRIME
After repeated sexual assaults by the owner of the Barcelona bar where she worked as a waitress, a 35-year-old woman turned on her assailant and severed the would-be rapist’s penis with a knife. The man, who was not named, was rushed to hospital for surgery while the woman was arrested for assault. D.Telegraph, 2 June 2021.
CUT OFF AFTER HIS PRIME
In the Brazilian city of São Goncalo, Dayane Cristiana Rodrigues Machado, 33, was arrested for murdering her husband Andre, with whom she ran a pizzeria, then cutting off his penis and frying it in soyabean oil. Andre’s sister said that Machado had done it in revenge for her husband cheating on her, but Machado’s lawyer said that Andre threatened her, and she killed him in self-defence. She has been charged with murder and corpse desecration. Sun, 10 June 2021.
AMATEUR CASTRATIONS
Queensland electrician Ryan King received a three-anda-half-year prison sentence after he advertised castration services on a eunuch website and carried out the procedure on two men who responded. King, whose only medical qualification was an advanced first aid certificate, castrated the men in a backpacker’s hostel and kept some of the body parts he removed in his home freezer. The two men desired the procedure but could find no legal way of having it done, so turned to King to achieve their aim. One of the men, who suffered genital dysphoria, said in a submission to the court: “I am eternally grateful to Ryan for enabling me to enjoy life.” King didn’t receive payment for the castrations but was allowed to film one procedure and post it on the eunuch site. He was arrested when he was unable to control the bleeding after the second procedure and had to call paramedics, to whom he admitted removing the man’s genitals and flushing them down the toilet. Police then searched King’s house where they found medical equipment and severed genitals in the freezer. In court King said he did not realise he was breaking the law as both men he operated on had consented, but the judge concluded: “The message must be sent to people in the community that you cannot do things like this.” guardian.com, 16 July 2021.
A 30-year-old man arrested in Florida for drug offenses was found to have four crystal rocks of methamphetamine hidden in his genitals. The suspect, who had a long history of drug convictions, was named Shaft Bang Adams. D.Mirror, 26 June 2021.
PADLOCKED PENIS
A 38-year-old Bangkok man has ended up with a permanently disfigured penis after he left it stuck in a padlock for two weeks. After attaching the lock to the base of his member because he “was bored” due to the pandemic, he lost the key and only sought help when his penis became infected and painfully swollen, narrowly avoiding gangrene. His mother said: “He told me he likes putting his ‘thing’ through small holes – I’ve told him not to do it again.” S.People, 18 July 2021.
NAZI BOLLOCKS
A 29-year-old Austrian soldier has been jailed for 19 months after getting a swastika tattooed on his scrotum. The symbol, banned in Austria, was inked on the private’s parts by his brother, whom he asked to do it after drinking two bottles of whisky. The soldier was arrested after posting a photo of it online. He was also accused of illegal firearms possession and “drinking Hitler-branded wine”. In court, he expressed remorse saying he realised what ‘nonsense’ Nazi glorification was once the investigation into his inflammatory testicles began. dailymail.co.uk, 10 June 2021.