SIDELINES...

CARROT CHAOS

Carmel Sepuloni, a New Zealand cabinet minister, was conducting a live Zoom interview with Radio Samoa from her home when her son burst into the room shouting and excitedly brandishing an extremely phallic carrot he’d discovered in their groceries. After trying to grab the carrot she succeeded in getting her son to leave the room and completed the interview but afterwards said: “Note to self: I will never buy the odd shaped carrot pack again.” Guardian, 30 Aug 2021.

SWANSONG POSTPONED

Dennis Soyster, 32, credit manager for a carpet firm in Ellicott City, Maryland, was told by doctors in 1977 that he had a rare intestinal disease from which he would soon die. He embezzled $29,000 to spend his last days in wild living. Having spent the money, he learnt that his ‘disease’ was an allergic response to the surgical gloves used in exploratory surgery. Int. Herald Tribune, 27 Aug 1979.

MILD INCONVENIENCE

Tomoharu Nakamura of Sapporo, attempted to hold up a convenience store in Kiyota ward with a cigarette lighter. He entered the store, pointed the lighter at the manager and said: “Out with the money or I’ll light you up!”. Unimpressed, the manager retreated to a back room and called police, who Nakamura also ineffectually threatened with his lighter before being arrested. Japanese thieves have a track record of attempting hold-ups with odd weapons, including, in one case, nose hair clippers. soranews.com, 26 Aug 2021.

PRIZE IDIOT

The International Olympic Committee has agreed to replace the gold medal belonging to softball pitcher Miu Goto after Takashi Kawamura, the mayor of Nagoya, Japan, bit it during a victory reception for the softball team, leaving teeth marks in the medal. Kawamura’s behaviour led to over 7,000 complaints being made to the Nagoya government after which he apologised and agreed to forego 1.5million yen (£9,900) of his salary as a penance. insider.com, 25 Aug 2021.