265: SIGNS OF THE TIMES
“Everything that is called true must merge away indistinguishably into something called false” – Fort, Books, p148
Another round of ancient-modern juxtapositions, the two halves, though somewhat differing in content and style, forming a recognisable nexus.
Perhaps the earliest, certainly the best known, mystery message is the writing on the wall in the OT, Book of Daniel, ch5.
Babylonian king Belshazzar was revelling in one of his customary feasts when he saw a hand appear and write the following message on the palace wall:
MENE MENE TEKEL UPHARSIN Understandably shaken by this, Belshazzar summoned his astrologers and assorted wise men to translate and explain, promising a golden chain, scarlet robes, and third place in the royal succession. All were baffled. In desperation, Belshazzar accepted the advice that he should summon Daniel, who had a great reputation for his quasi-divine wisdom, promising him the same rewards.
Having reminded Belshazzar of the fate of his father Nebuchadnezzar, previously punished for his sins with boanthropy, also dressing him down for his own shortcomings, Daniel, clearly a first-class philologist and Bletchley-quality code-cracker, immediately interpreted the words thus (King James version):
MENE: God hath numbered thy kingdom, and finished it.
TEKEL: Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.
PERES: Thy kingdom is divided, and given to the Medes and Persians.
Scholars versed in the Middle Eastern languages here detect a linguistic salad accompanied by much punning. The story has inevitably been dismissed by many as a fabrication. Even Belshazzar’s existence has been questioned. Daniel concludes by saying he was slain the same night, replaced by another shadowy figure, Darius the Mede.
If you add up the various shekels inherent in the text, they add up to 62, the exact age of Darius. Despite his reputation for wisdom, we have to be impressed by Daniel’s lightning decipherment. Was it genuine? Can’t have been music to the ears of Belshazzar, who sportingly gave him the promised rewards. Did Daniel simply make it up to frighten the king, along with boosting the power of Jehovah?
Two addenda: the Jewish Encyclopædia (online) cites a mention in Proceedings of the Society for Biblical Archæology 18 (1896), p237 of a cuneiform tablet listing other such mysterious predictions by unknown hands. Herodotus knew nothing of the tale, but his account (bk1 ch191) does mention that when Cyrus diverted the Euphrates and marched up its riverbed into Babylon, he was unnoticed because “there was a great festival going on.”
Daniel’s complicated mathematics may take us to another famous inscription, a seemingly straightforward one from classical Athens. Over the entrance to Plato’s Academy there was supposedly written the injunction “Let No One Ignorant of Geometry Enter” – Would have let me out (three-time O Level Maths failer). Unfortunately, everyone seems ignorant of this curriculum requirement until a handful of Byzantine commentators on Aristotle many centuries later. Aristotle’s silence on it is deafening, himself both an Academy pupil and teacher.
Plato certainly stressed the importance of geometry throughout his Republic, and it is the subject chosen as paradigm for educational method in his Meno. But these may not be sufficient grounds for singling it out in this way. Also, unless everyone in Athens was presumed competent in it, why could you not learn it at Plato U along with the other disciplines required to become a ‘Philosopher King’?
The night before a crucial battle, Constantine saw in the sky a cross with a Greek message “In This Thou Shalt Conquer” (see FT275:49). It needed Christ to appear in a dream and explain it. The battle was fought and won (AD 312). In its Latin form, in hoc signo vinces, it has become a popular slogan. Fort has much to say on diverse sky-cloud visual phenomena.
One of Schulz’s Peanuts cartoons makes the point. Gazing at the clouds, Lucy asks Linus what he sees: Linus replies he can see British Honduras, painter-sculptor Thomas Eakins, the stoning of Stephen with Paul looking on. Lucy praises him, then asks Charlie Brown what he sees: “Well, I was going to say a ducky and a horse, but I changed my mind.”
When Trajan (AD 98-117) was campaigning in Dacia (Romania), he was brought a giant mushroom on which was written in Latin a message from tribal allies advising him to suspend his campaign. Ignoring this, the emperor fought the battle and won.
Mysterious mushrooms: are we in John Allegro country? Perhaps notable that our source, Roman historian Dio Cassius (bk68 ch8 para1), evinces no surprise, albeit his text survives only in Byzantine epitome. One may admire the skill required to carve such a Latin message on a fungus. Did the senders have no other writing materials to hand? No tree bark, as recommended by various Greek and Roman writers? Or wooden tablets, like theVindolanda one from near Hadrian’s Wall with it scathing reference to Britttunculi (little Brit shits).
Trajan’s column (Scene 9) depicts a mysterious round object near a man fallen from a mule. Some take this to allude to this mushroom. Others advocate a round kitchen object of some kind; cf. Roger Ulrich’s website, also NJE Austin & NB Rankov, Exploratio: Military & Political Intelligence in the Roman World from the Second Punic War to the Battle of Adrianople (2002), p9.
Since Trajan ignored the message, would he immortalise it on his Column? But, what propaganda purpose would a kitchen gadget serve? Clearly, mushroom for speculation…
Fort (p145) provides transition to modern times, quoting Charles Holder’s article on the strange stone found (1909) in the Yaqui valley, Mexico: “A sensational story went from one end to the other end of the country that a stone bearing human inscriptions had descended to the earth.” Fort appends a detailed and sceptical discussion thereof, fastening upon the claim of Holder (with Major Burnham) that its symbols resembled Mayan lettering – petroglyphs have also been suggested for this object, now commonly referred to as the Esperanza Stone.
It has long been claimed that a field somewhere in the North of England contains a noticeboard reading “Please Do Not Throw Stones at This Sign”. Often debunked as an urban-rural myth, this might also be explained as a piece of English eccentricity, or simply as a prank.
At the core of Fort and FT is the question: WHAT do people believe and WHY? Trawling the many related websites (many with alleged pictures of the sign), you find that some people ridicule the claim, others claim to have seen it – but, significantly, always in different parts of the country: how many such noticeboards can there possibly be? Many individuals have added their own examples of weird to stupid signs, ranging from one up Mount Kilimanjaro ordering “Please Do Not Urinate in This Rain Gauge” to (my favourite) a notice at Glasgow General Hospital advising “Basement Downstairs”. Time to sign off…