SIDELINES...

JUST DON’T!

A Thai man in his 20s who had recently paid for penis enlargement treatment decided to test if it had worked by sticking his member into a one-inch diameter grey PVC pipe. It apparently had; his penis jammed in the pipe and began to swell painfully, requiring medical intervention. “I’m annoyed because I spent a lot of money on [the enlargement], and now I’ll have to pay for the medical bills as well,” he said. Earlier the same week another Thai man hit the news after jamming his penis in a bottle opener and needing medical attention. aseannow.com, 16 Oct 2021.

CRAB LUST

It turns out that the unfortunate Thai is not alone in finding plastic pipes sexually stimulating. Research has revealed that hermit crabs may be sexually excited by oleamide, an additive released by plastics in the sea. The substance is known to act as a sex pheromone in some insects and has been found to increase the respiration rate of hermit crabs living off Yorkshire, signalling arousal. There is concern that this might disrupt the breeding cycle of the crabs and reduce reproductive success. Metro, 11 Aug 2021.

SH*TSTORM

A resident of central Windsor experienced what councillor Karen Davies describes as a “dreadful episode” when his garden was inundated with sewage from a passing plane. Apparently, the deluge covered his “whole garden, and garden umbrellas, and him… He was out in the garden at the time, so a really horrible, horrible experience.” Councillor Geoff Paxton said, “We used to have problems with blue ice,” but added that modern aircraft toilets were more secure. It was suggested that warm weather had meant the waste could have “come out as a more ‘fluidy’ item.” BBC News, 19 Oct 2021.

OUT OF PLACE

Responding to a call about a disturbance at a flat in Haywards Heath, West Sussex, police found an inflatable swimming pool in the middle of the flat’s lounge. The pool contained several small sharks and an artificial Christmas tree. Sun, 12 Oct 2021.