ANCIENT GIANT TREES
Weird arboreal theory takes Flat Eathers’ fancy
While some of the more outré recent conspiratorial ideas are clearly taken as tongue-in-cheek by the majority of those who claim to espouse them (e.g. “Birds Aren’t Real”, FT409:12), the new wave of Flat Earthers ( FT281:16, 338:20-21, 368:12, 372:25, 393:42-45) continue to be bafflingly earnest, despite the complete lack of evidence for their pet theory.
Now, it seems, they are enthusiastically adding a new layer of complexity to their claims – the idea that there are “no forests on Flat Earth” and that what we believe are trees are, in fact, 100ft (30m) high bushes. While the idea has been simmering for a few years, it has received a new impetus recently as a result of the 2016 video that originally expounded the idea going viral (bit.ly/3GHsF5L). Created by a Crimean man calling himself “Man of Russia”, which, given the politics of the region, has interesting connotations in its own right, the video maintains that in some unfathomably distant past, the Earth had real trees that were 40 miles (64km) high, with trunks two miles (3.2km) across; these were destroyed by lost races of humans using immense machines, leaving just the stunted organisms we now believe to be trees.
The remains, though, are all about us, should we have eyes to see them, Man of Russia claims. Flat-topped mesas such as the Devil’s Tower in Wyoming and structures like the Giant’s Causeway in Ireland are the stumps of such trees, and much of the rock we see around us is not actually rock, but rubble from the destruction of these ancient behemoths. The only difference between these things and trees is their scale and the material they are made from, we are told – although these would seem to constitute two fairly fundamental differences. The fact that no traces of anything that looks like the internal structure of trees is evident in them is conveniently ignored.
It is not immediately clear why this has been taken up with such enthusiasm in Flat
Earth forums, as Man of Russia’s 90-minute video does not even mention the Flat Earth; but it does operate on similar logic – the Earth is flat because when you look around you, it looks flat; these geological features must be the remains of trees because when you look at them, they look a bit like the remains of trees. Flat Earth groups, though, have been building support for the idea by posting side-by-side pictures of geological formations and trees to identify other relict specimens and have also taken up Man of Russia’s additional ideas that volcanoes do not result from geological processes, but are ancient toxic waste dumps full of reactive chemical waste that periodically explode, and that gorges and canyons are not natural either, but evidence of ancient mining on a massive scale.
It is not clear if “Man of Russia” is serious about his ideas or is simply enjoying generating a delicious spoof of conspiracy theory. If so, this is a vivid fulfilment of Poe’s Law: every parody of extreme views can be mistaken by some readers for a sincere expression of the views being parodied. theatlantic.com, 9 Sept 2016; iflscience, 24 Oct 2021. For more bizarre new beliefs, turn to p26.
Much of the rock we see around us is rubble from the destruction of these behemoths
OVEN FIRE
Police called to an assisted living facility in Greenwood, North Carolina, following reports of gunshots found one resident unconscious and a small fire in his room. The fire had been started by the resident putting several rounds of ammunition in a toaster oven and switching it on, causing the rounds to go off and filling the room with smoke. The man was treated for smoke inhalation but did not explain why he had put the ammo in the oven. yahoo.com/ news, 29 Nov 2021.
EXTRA NORTH
Scientists searching for the tiny Oodaaq Island off Greenland, officially the world’s most northerly piece of land, accidentally discovered a new, even more northerly, island. After returning from collecting samples on what they thought was Oodaaq, they checked their position with the official in charge of registering Arctic islands and found they had been 800m (2,625ft) north of Oodaaq and that the island was new to science. It has now been named Qeqertaq Avannarleq, which means “the northernmost island” in Greenlandic. Expedition leader Morten Rasch said that from a scientific perspective it was “not a big deal”. BBC News, 28 Aug 2021.
CREATIVE CLAIMS
Aviva Insurance celebrated its 325th anniversary by delving into its archives for unusual claims made over the years. These included: compensation paid to a vicar in 1875 after he injured himself playing leapfrog, a man who injured his finger on a woman’s corset as he saved her from drowning and a Morris Minor van damaged by a circus elephant in 1934 as it stole the driver’s lunch. D.Telegraph, 11 Oct 2021.