FECKLESS FELONS
More cautionary tales from the annals of inept crime
MATT HANCOCK: BOMB CLOWN
Air traffic out of Las Vegas airport was disrupted on 8 December last year after a man drove a limousine through the gate of a private air carrier, crashed through the airport’s security barriers, and did wheel spins on an aircraft ramp. He then drove across the tarmac and stopped near some parked planes where he got out of the limo, donned a clown mask and shouted at security that he had a bomb and was going to detonate it, before driving away again. Intercepted by police, the driver was arrested and identified as Matt Hancock, 36, a professional limo driver (pictured at right, and not the UK’s former Health Secretary). He was found to have a shotgun and a “gasoline device” in his car as well as an oxygen tank with a pressure gauge, Christmas lights and metal items attached to it to make it look like a bomb. Hancock told authorities that he intended to take a plane to fly to Area 51 to look for aliens, that he had a high security clearance, was in the mob, and that someone owed him millions of dollars. He was detained in jail pending court appearances, where he was described as “disruptive”. usnews.com, 10 Dec 2021.
PHOTOCOPYCAT CRIME
A man was wanted by Toronto police after he allegedly broke into a commercial establishment and ate some food items, leaving behind scraps. He then took a photocopy of his face and left it in the property. thestar.com, 24 Aug 2019.
THE LAUGH’S ON YOU Breanna Dawn Hernandez, 32, called police to report a possible drunk driver in Woods Cross, Utah. When pressed for more information, she gave her own license plate and started laughing. She was herself arrested and jailed for drunk driving. An almost empty bottle of Fireball whiskey was found in her car. [ AP] 6 Sept 2019.
THE BITER BIT
William Kelley, called police in Kennewick, Washington, to report that someone had stolen his Chevy pick-up. A man had noticed that Kelley had left his car keys behind on the seat, so he made off with the vehicle. Surveillance video showed that, at the time, Kelley was stealing items from a business across the street – so he was arrested. keprtv.com, 26 Aug 2019.
MYSTERY MILLIONAIRE
A man walked into a Pinnacle Bank in Lincoln, Nebraska, and tried to open an account with a $1 million banknote. He was adamant the note was real despite tellers’ attempts to convince him otherwise. He eventually left with the note and police reviewed CCTV footage to try to identify him. The largest denomination note ever issued for public circulation in the US was worth $10,000. [AP] 29 Oct 2019.
THERE GOES MY BABY Three British women stole a pushchair from a shop called Bambi Baby in Middletown, New Jersey, but left a baby behind as they fled. They were arrested when they returned for the child. S.Mirror, 1 Sept 2019.
THE STING
A 32-year-old man failed to turn up at prison in Oldenburg, Germany, to start an 11-month sentence. When cornered, he leapt from a balcony to flee police and landed on a wasps’ nest. To avoid being stung, he jumped into a paddling pool and was arrested. Metro, 15 Aug 2019.
TAKING THE MICHAEL Michael Harrell, 54, handed a hold-up note to a cashier in a bank in Cleveland, Ohio. It was written on the back of a Bureau of Motor Vehicles form, on which he had helpfully filled in his name and address. The cashier handed over $200 while calling him “Michael” before alerting the police. S.Mirror, 4 Aug 2019.
SEAL FOILS DEAL
A British and French national were arrested on Burton Island, Australia, when their yacht ran aground. They were accused of hiding £588,000 worth of cocaine, ecstasy and methamphetamine under seaweed. After being spotted by police, their escape path was blocked by a seal that “jumped up with its big chest out and bellowed at them,” officials said. D.Telegraph, 13 Sept 2019.
CHEESECAKE RAIDER
At the start of 2021, Jason Stratford, 36, burgled a bar in Cirencester, Gloucestershire, stealing several bottles of alcohol. As he did so he helped himself to food from the kitchen, including a tasty cheesecake, but unfortunately for him he left his dirty spoon behind. Police found traces of his DNA on it and this, combined with CCTV evidence showing him at the scene, was enough to convict him. Stratford, of no fixed abode, was initially sentenced to 18 weeks imprisonment, but his sentence was increased to a total of 34 weeks in jail because of an earlier 16-week suspended sentence for a previous burglary. BBC News, 3 Feb 2021.
BUM RAP
Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, of Wenatchee, Washington State, shot himself with a small pistol tucked into his front pocket. Before going to hospital, he had his girlfriend take him to a friend’s place so he could drop off the gun, but during surgery, a balloon containing cannabis slipped out of his anus. wtsp. com, 6 June 2019.