SIDELINES...

STORMY SARNIE

When Nigel Ward, 69, of Wareham, Dorset, phoned his wife Karen for help after a tree fell on him during Storm Eunice, she couldn’t hear him clearly and thought he was asking her to make him a sandwich for lunch, so hung up on him. Eventually she made out his screams and called emergency services, who rescued him from under a 30-yearold fir tree that had blown over onto him as he tended the family horses. Ward had a fractured spine, broken foot, cuts and bruises and recovered in hospital. D. Telegraph, 22 Feb 2022.

SEA MONSTER?

A frightened fisherman captured on video his escape from what he believed was a sea monster with glowing eyes chasing him off the Brazilian coast. It shows him accelerating his boat as he tries to outpace the creature that appears to be following him, leaping in and out of its wake close to the boat, eventually making his escape after losing it in the backwash. The fisher said he could not identify the beast, but commenters said they suspected it was actually a harmless seal. dailystar.co.uk, 30 Jan 2022.

PLANE SAILING?

Aviation worker Sandra, 28, from Budapest, claims to have finally found her true love – a £600 model jumbo jet that she calls Luffancs. “We cuddle and kiss throughout the night and have sex. I get to do everything with him,” she said, adding, “I have always liked planes, more than the average person… I’m not too sure if I will go back to a human relationship.” mirror.co.uk, 4 Mar 2022.

JESUS!

When restorers working on an old wooden statue of Jesus in Spain removed a piece of cloth covering Christ’s bottom they found an opening between his buttock cheeks, and inside a small rolled-up scroll. It turned out to be a handwritten document detailing life in 18th century Spain written by a priest named Joaquin Minguez. It had been inserted sometime around 1777 at the cathedral of Burgo de Osma, where the statue was housed at the time. “It really is unique to find hidden handwritten documents inside such statues,” said historian Efren Arroyo. Vice. com, 1 Dec 2017.