SIDELINES...

THE QUEEN IS DEAD (AGAIN)

Online gossip site Hollywood Unlocked surprised readers with its announcement that “sources close to the Royal Kingdom (sic) notified us exclusively that Queen Elizabeth has passed away. She was scheduled to attend the wedding of British Vogue editor Edward Enninful, but was found dead.” It turned out that they had misinterpreted the announcement of the death of rock star Mark Lanegan, former singer of Queens of the Stone Age. D.Mail, 26 Feb 2022.

INSTANT TRILLIONAIRE

When he received his compensation cheque from Northern Power Grid after he suffered a power cut during Storm Arwen, Gareth Hughes, 44, of Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire, was slightly taken aback by the amount. The cheque was for £2,324,252,090,110, slightly more than the Gross Domestic Product of the whole of Britain in 2021. Northern Power Grid blamed a clerical error. Times, 14 Feb 2022.

GOOGLE JUSTICE

After 20 years on the run, a Sicilian Mafia killer was arrested after police spotted him on Google Street View, chatting outside a grocer’s in Galapagar, a small town in Spain. “How did you manage to find me?” Gioacchino Gammino, 60, asked arresting officers. “I haven’t telephoned my family in 10 years.” Times, 6 Jan 2022.

PARROT EXPLOSION

When a man called the Detroit Animal Welfare Group to say he had some parakeets to drop off, he told them to expect around 60 to 80. When he turned up, he had more than 500 in his truck. Apparently, the man’s father had wanted to breed just a few of them, but it got out of control. D.Mirror, 8 Jan 2022.

OSTRICH SURPRISE

A 50-year-old man got an unwelcome surprise after sneaking into a property near Yancheng in China to fish in the owner’s pond. The land was guarded by an ostrich that repeatedly attacked him while he attempted to fend it off with a pole, eventually managing to make his escape. Ostriches are very short tempered and have a record of kicking people to death. Metro, 7 Dec 2021.