Garden view Plants are more than props in TV dramas, says Andrea Blackie. They’re a distraction!
Plants are more than background props in TV crime and drama series, says Andrea Blackie. They’re a distraction!
Television crime dramas are a no-go for me. My problem’s not with the programmes themselves – I’m sure they’re great stories – it’s just that I keep getting sidetracked by the plants in the background. Picture the scene: a classic Agatha Christie-style murder mystery, set in the grounds of a glorious country estate. Miss Marple’s sitting in the garden, taking tea with a suspect. Herbaceous borders and pristine lawns extend away to the lake beyond. Someone casually lets slip a tiny yet vital clue – but I’m too busy thinking ‘Oh look, their bluebells are out’, so I’ve missed it. Or perhaps a sneaky sideways glance reveals the charming vicar might not be all he seems – but I’m too busy wondering how they’ve got their sweet peas to look so good.
It’s even more of a problem when the plants are actually part of the programme. Gardening detective duo Rosemary and Thyme had pretty much my dream job – apart from all the dead bodies, of course. All they had to do was drive around the countryside in a stylishly scruffy Landrover, doing the occasional bit of gardening and solving the odd murder along the way. But I spent so much of the programme pondering their planting choices that I’d neglect to notice who’d actually been bumped off. When I’m watching re-runs, I can tell you exactly what they’re going to plant next, but I haven’t a clue whodunnnit.
And talking of programmes involving horticultural clues, US crime drama Bones is right up there with the best of them. It ended a few years ago, but repeats still pop up occasionally on TV, and I’ve watched far too many episodes for my own good. I’ve lost count of the number of times the team’s botanical geek has come charging into the pathology lab waving bits of plant and spouting Latin names that turn out to be the vital clue. It’s amazing how dramatic the words ‘Laurus nobilis’ can sound when delivered with deep and meaningful intonation and significant looks are exchanged. Try it.
But there again, while I’m happy to watch sexy scientist crime-fighters solve murders by identifying bay leaves, I still get distracted by some of the more questionable plant science. Like the episode where someone made a blue hydrangea turn pink by spinning it in a centrifuge with some blood… (Blood-soaked soil = change in pH = it’s definitely murder. That’s all you need to know.)
Still, I guess it’s not worth my getting too worked up about the accuracy of on-screen gardening. After all, those plants might not even be real. Apparently, in Driving Miss Daisy (filmed in pre-CGI days) they shot 30 years’ worth of outdoor scenes in just a few weeks during spring, so they had a whole team of people whose job it was to stick leaves onto trees or pull them off again as the seasons demanded. A job like that makes even weeding look fun. And in The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, a thrilling chase scene set in a Narnian forest involved actor Ben Barnes running through hundreds of potted ferns while doing his best not to trip and send them flying. At least when I’m watching Harry Potter, I know the venomous tentacula (spiky magical plant with teeth) isn’t supposed to be real. Although I’ve met a few pyracanthas that could give it a run for its money.
Perhaps the answer is to only watch factual programmes filmed indoors. There’d be no more distractions or plants to worry about. Like the BBC Parliament channel, or the News at 10. ✿
Rosemary and Thyme had pretty much my dream job – apart from the dead bodies