THE HOTEL THE LIBRARY, KOH SAMUI.

The very best places to stay in the whole wide world.

Where is it?

The island of Koh Samui, a short flight from Bangkok on one of those wind-up planes the size of a Linda McCartney vegetarian sausage. So obviously you stay at the stupidly lovely SoSofitel in Bangkok (get a room facing the park) for a couple of nights to get your gay nightlife and your snide Gucci T-shirt-purchasing out of your system, then you swing on down.

Why so lovely?

It’s the unexpectedness of a slick, stark, smart, minimalist resort in this lively, totally loveable bit of Thailand. Which tends not to be too minimalist.

First impressions?

It has to be the blood-red swimming pool that you’ve probably seen in a sky-high-fashion shoot. So dramatic all that red, with the red umbrellas, against the blue of the sky and the sea just across that strip of sandy beach.

And the accommodations?

How’s your bank account looking? If you have a few thou to spunk, take one of the private villas: up a dark staircase, back out into the light, along what feels like a slate canyon flanked by mini canals, through a secret door and into a huge villa with its own green pool in the middle of a courtyard and a bed that could sleep a five-a-side football team. Now, there’s a thought. Otherwise, take a perfectly lovely, crisp white room with its own balcony and stretch of green out front.

And the food?

A smart minimal (there’s that word again) take on Thai favourites in the restaurant with a view onto the beach. And why not have your breakfast on a mattress laid out right there on the sand? We can’t think of a single reason!

What is there to do?

It’s called The Library and there actually is one, with books and everything. Sunbathing by the red pool (there’s a private red pool through a secret door if you’re in the luxury villa bit). Or get a catamaran to come and pick you up for a bit of sailing, dolphin spotting, paddle-boarding, snorkelling… all very low-key.

And the gay bit?

There is a bit of gay nightlife just up the road from The Library but, how to put this? It’s a little on the basic side with plastic patio furniture and… But hey, it’s there if you want it.