LISTEN TO OUR LOVE.

Northern Ireland. Marriage equality. Religion.

It’s very disconcerting to feel that you’re a second class citizen in your own home. Pauline comes from Dublin in the Republic of Ireland – we got married there – but as soon as we crossed the border back into the North, our marriage was no longer valid. We came back on the evening of our wedding, having just had an official say “on behalf of the state I pronounce you together”. It seems ridiculous that within a few hours, and only a few miles up the road, we no longer had the same rights as other (heterosexual) married people around us.

There’s full marriage for lesbian and gay couples in England, Wales, Scotland and, following the referendum, in the Republic of Ireland. But here in Northern Ireland, we’re denied the right to be married and enjoy the full protections of marriage. How do we address that as a couple?

For me, Paula, marriage is about making a public declaration of my love for Pauline. Having our relationship acknowledged and celebrated by our friends and family. Being able to say to people that Pauline’s my wife, not my girlfriend or partner. Saying wife makes it special. That recognition is key. I will always use the word wife. I make a point of it in places where, legally, I can’t, and I know Pauline does the same.

I, Pauline, was married when I was 21 to a man, and you would think Paula and I would have the same protections as I had then. In the South we do, here we don’t. All of our friends and family support equal marriage, and it was important for us at the time to make it as public as possible.

When the marriage referendum was happening in the South a lot of families started having conversations about the issue. Many people realised that the inequality impacted on members of their own families and communities. That’s what made the difference. Those conversations are now happening here in the North – as those conversations deepen, people’s views are shifting.

We are convinced across the board that, in Northern Ireland, there’s overwhelming support for marriage equality. There’s a rump of people, mainly Evangelical Christians, who are opposed to gay people having any rights at all. It’s the same people who oppose abortion rights in the North of Ireland. But they are out of step.

A recent report showed that even some religious ministers recognised they had gay people in their congregation and that they needed to do something to reach out to those gay members.

But how far away are we from that change? We have to say close. We’ve never felt the community to be so strong, single-minded and clear in terms of our demands. And it’s not just about Marriage Equality, that’s only the headline issue – there is appalling discrimination against young LGBT people in our schools. Years of living in a virulently homophobic society has taken a heavy toll on the mental health of many in our community. All these issues have to be addressed.

It’s impossible to imagine that our rights can be denied much longer given what’s happening in the Republic and the rest of the UK. There’s lots of things going on with court cases, work in parliament, the House of Lords, and we believe that sooner rather than later, something’s got to give.

In the end of the day it’s simply about love, equality and respect – all of Northern Ireland will benefit from that.