TESS HOLLIDAY.

The queer model on coming out and walking the runway for the plus size queens out there.

Drag queen Courtney Act is behind us climbing into a leather suit with matching elbow-length gloves while a photographer shouts directions at them for backstage photos. Queer Eye’s grooming expert Jonathan Van Ness just called so we ended up sending him a selfie after hanging up. For us, it’s a manic 45 minutes backstage at a fashion show, but for model Tess Holliday it’s a pretty normal day at the office. With an entourage of 10 people helping them get ready for their apperance at London Queer Fashion Show 2019, this gig means more than walking another runway. It’s personal.

“I talked about being queer in September of last year and nobody really cared or noticed,” explains Tess. “It’s the first time celebrating it all which is why I don’t have words. That’s why events like this are important for someone like me who didn’t know for so long, being surrounded by so much love. Nobody is judgemental inside a loving space that it makes me feel even better about being so open about who I am.”

Explaining they feel closest to the identiy label of pansexual, we ask Tess about the current binary and labels obsession within the fashion world. With almost all runways split via male and female, would she like to see a time where binary limitations are removed?

“I know there’s a lot of people who don’t like labels, usually people modelling, so plus size models that don’t like being labelled as plus size. That’s because usually they have the what is deemed acceptable plus size body so they’re viewed as acceptably plus size. You have a flat stomach, a great bum, whatever. They’re ‘perfectly proportioned’ and so the rest of us, it makes us feel like you’re able to take money from the community but don’t want to be called plus size. So for me, that label is important because I know where to shop.”

Here we speak to Tess backstage at London Queer Fashion Show 2019 to find out why events like that are important, why she wouldn’t want to remove all labels from the fashion world, and why speaking openly about her sexuality is still a new journey for her.

We are here at London Queer Fashion Show 2019. Why do you think events like this are important to the LGBTQ community?

Well I think that not a lot of this happened. I think the queer community is diverse, but usually when things like this are covered, it’s usuallt not diverse. It’s important to have your own space and event so the community can celebrate who we are and be unapologetic. Like having queer designers and people of all backgrounds, regardless of how they identify or look or whatever, without it being Pride month and a tokensim thing. This is the first event that I’ve done being open. It’s nice. I’m a little overwhelmed. It’s overwhelming in the best way. I was really honored to be invited. I talked about being queer in September of last year and nobody really cared or noticed. I thought that I’ve spoken about it, but then when my Nylon cover came out and it kind of made waves, it was nice and it made me feel a bit more accepted because I had a lot of support. It’s the first time celebrating it all which is why I don’t have words. That’s why events like this are important for someone like me who didn’t know for so long, being surrounded by so much love. Nobody is judgemental inside a loving space that it makes me feel even better about being so open about who I am.

When you get messages on social media from young queer people, when they mention how much your visiblity means to them, what does that mean to you?

It makes me feel better about being open about so many things. It’s hard because I know so often that I get passed over for things, jobs and opportunities because people say I’m too controversial. That was before I was open about my sexuality and it’s frustrating because these things shouldn’t be controversial to be able to talk about how hard life can be to navigate. In the beginning, it was just about being a fat, heavily tattooed person who wanted to model in the industry. I feel like I don’t really have a right to talk about all of this stuff yet because I’m still navigating it myself, but I know how I feel and the only way to get through all this is to talk about it. When people do message me, it’s about showing them support and that they’re not alone. Letting them know that whatever small town they’re in, there’s a brighter side.

For fashion, do you think we will get to a place where we have a labelless fashion industry. Is that something you’d want to see?

I know there’s a lot of people who don’t like labels, usually people modelling, so plus size models that don’t like being labelled as plus size. That’s because usually they have the what is deemed acceptable plus size body so they’re viewed as acceptably plus size. You have a flat stomach, a great bum, whatever. They’re ‘perfectly proportioned’ and so the rest of us, it makes us feel like you’re able to take money from the community but don’t want to be called plus size. So for me, that label is important because I know where to shop. If somebody searches for me, they can see somebody who looks like them. In regards to fashion, until people take plus size bodies and marginalised folks seriously, I think those labels are important because young people are navigating their queerness, how to love their own body, they can learn about their own communities that they feel safe in and identity in – and that is literally life changing.

What is on your wishlist for progression and visibility?

Look... I want to do high fashion. I fired my agent in March of last year as they told me that I’ll never do high fashion because ‘they didn’t make my size’. Watch me! I’m doing incredible things with people I can’t say now. I would love to be on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar when I feel like my activism is there and I’m comfortable in my queerness. I would love to be on the cover of GAY TIMES. I’ve used my platform to help so many people and so now that I’m part of this community, I would love nothing more than to give back. And if I can do that in a high fashion way, great!

What limitations do people put on you that piss you oƒ?

I’ve been told my entire life that I wasn’t good enough. Whether it was the way I looked, my size, how I choose to express myself, my fashion. I’ve literally been criticised and bullied my entire life, especially recently. I hate saying coming out but sharing how I choose to love and carry with my relationships. That’s been hard and so I’ve had to accept that life might not always be easy for me, but I’m always going to be around so much love and have so many people and parts that I love. And while people might not always get me, saying that I’m too short or fat to be a model, I proved them wrong. I really love being able to prove people wrong by literally existing and being myself.

You’re kind, considerate and...

My eyelashes are stabbing me in the eye, but keep complimenting me.

In an industry that sees kindness as almost a weakness, where does that come from?

I don’t know. I used to say it was because I’m a Southern girl, but I don’t know if that’s the case because I think Southern hospitality isn’t a real thing. People from the south are racist, prejudice and not very accepting of any of the things I am. I literally grew up in a trailer, I’ve worked for Subway, Walmart, banking, the dental industry. And so even though people consider me a celebrity and I know I am, I don’t like using that work. How I feel about myself hasn’t changed. My friends vary from former fans that are school teachers to major celebrities like Jonathan Van Ness. He’s like more famous than me now which is so fine because he works so hard to get there. I surround myself with good people and those that will call me out when I’m being a diva, or whatever, which is really nice.

Tell me about your favorite look you’ve ever done on the runway.

Oh my God, I’ve had so many. I would say recently. I attended the Harper’s Bazaar Icons Party and I wore a custom dress by this designer called Melissa Mercedes. It was probably the most beautiful I’ve ever felt. It was the first time a designer has made custom for me. While it might not be a big name, I like supporting designers that support me and support bi¡er bodies. I felt so beautiful, my hair and makeup was stunning and I don’t think I ever felt better. I’m also going through some personal stuff and a weight has been lifted. I don’t know if that’s why I felt the most beautiful then, but I feel how I always wanted to feel. I am so happy even though I might not seem it.

You’re about to walk the runway, what goes through your mind as you prepare to step out?

I’m usually nervous. I usually get a sick stomach so I just tell myself to not shit. Don’t shit yourself, don’t shit yourself! I take a lot of deep breaths and try to be present in the moment. You don’t get these moments back. These moments are going to be something I remember when I’m old and not grey – because I’m going to colour my hair forever. I love glamour and this is the stuff I will remember forever. What’s the point of doing all of this if you don’t have a good story from it?

And feel amazing!

And empower myself and empower others. That’s why I always talk about how important diversity and visibility is because when I’m going out on the runway, yeah it’s great for me, but what is it doing for the people who are seeing me that feel alone? They see me, she was on the cover of this and now she’s on the runway. Maybe that’s not their aspiration but hopefully makes them feel a little bit better seeing me happy.