‘We want to give people with mental health challenges a platform to shine’
Jon Fews was the very definition of ‘work hard, play hard’ until he ran himself into the ground. Now he wants to help and empower others. Anna Lewis reports
IT’S no exaggeration to say Jon Fews was a man who for years on end just didn’t stop.
The definition of “work hard, play hard”, when the Welsh credit management consultant wasn’t in the office he was out and about – socialising, partying or training for his next triathlon.
To all intents and purposes from the outside he looked like a man going from success to success. But it was only when he broke down completely that he realised there was a something he had been desperately avoiding. It’s something that has seen him try to take his own life over the years at his darkest points but also something which he is now desperate to celebrate – his challenges with mental health.
Born in Bridgend, Jon, 41, is a man who is bursting with energy, enthusiasm and warmth. With a mind running at 100mph, he describes how at an early age he was put on medication for his ADHD – something he says hampered his ability to learn to cope with emotion and develop as a person and that ultimately led to him blocking out a period of his life from age 12 to 15.
When he left school and entered the adult world he said that same ADHD also spurred him on to be successful at his career, and able to engage so well with others, but also drove him to extremes trying to deal with it.
Jon, who was diagnosed with a personality disorder around three years ago, said: “The issue that I always had was that if I’m going to do something I need to be the best at it.
“When I was in sales and a consultant I’d be the best of that, 10% better. So if I rang up and said, you know: ‘I’m not coming in today’ they’d just say: ‘Yeah, no problem Jon’ because actually you’d still be better than everyone else. So it enabled me to be able to hide things that way.
“I was erratic because I used coping mechanisms. It might be that I’d drink lots, it might be that I’d use drugs because I used to go raving. I would feel down or whatever, or crash, and then I’d look for something to pick me back up. And then that causes addiction.
“Put that aside, it was even exercise. At one point I went absolutely crazy with triathlons. I’d be up in the middle of the night going for a run because that was the only thing that would calm me back down. Addiction is of many forms but they’re all coping mechanisms.
“I’d go to a rave with mates or whatever and I’d go on a tangent for three days. They’d just go: ‘Oh Fews is on tangent – he’s probably in Amsterdam by now or something.’
“I can talk to my mates now – it’s in the marketplace now. And I can talk to my mates and say: ‘Yeah you didn’t see me for three days because I tried to take a load of pills at the same rave because I felt like I was failing.’ They didn’t know that – they just thought I was being me and they accepted me.
“I’ve learnt how to have good friends around me because I’m the life and soul but even though inside I might be feeling physically sick.”
For Jon the road to where he is now has been full of ups and downs. Looking back, he says from leaving school not a year would go by where he wouldn’t have two or three episodes, crash back down, and have to pick himself back up, not knowing the reason why.
It was only three years ago, however, that things came to a halt and terms like personality disorder, stress disorder, and clinical depression entered the conversation when he sought help from mental health experts. Rather than hide away from it that time is something he now sees as a blessing because it’s brought him to where he is today.
He said: “It’s almost like when you’re a footballer, for argument’s sake, and you’ve been playing all your life and your body starts to break down.
“Because I’d never given myself a break I’d actually made myself worse. When I was meant to be giving myself a break I’d then use a coping mechanism and push myself even further to cope with the fact I needed a break. Effectively I ended up drained – they call it a nervous breakdown, I guess, but I’d cry, I’d shake.
“I had gone five days without any sleep and I just woke up, started crying and I was like: ‘I can’t do this any more.’
“My doctor said: ‘Jon you’re fit as a 20-year-old but your body, some of the ailments you’ve got are that of a 60-year-old.’ It was almost like emotionally I’d exhausted myself because of the combination of everything, working harder and having that lifestyle holding this emotional stuff in as well. I just broke down. I hadn’t failed necessarily but I couldn’t do it any more.”
Talking more widely about previous lows, Jon added: “Now, at 40, I probably understand myself 10 times better than I ever did. But I’ve had struggles because I’ve had to go through and hit rock bottom loads of times. The amount of times I’ve hit rock bottom and had to bounce back.
“Each time you hit rock bottom again you don’t want to upset people and then you start to think: ‘There’s no point in me being here’ and the suicidal thoughts start coming in.
“I’ve tried a couple of times to take my own life. I’ve been suicidal so many times and actually that’s because it’s not necessarily you as a person, because you are what you are, but it’s the fact you as a person are letting people down.
“You wear your heart on your sleeve rather than in your chest. And people that wear their heart on the sleeve, it hits them harder.
“Now we’ve probably got to the point where me talking about me feeling that way is maybe giving other people the opportunity not to feel like I did.
“Actually I’m really happy and glad that I’ve hit that rock bottom so many times – I actually counted it as a blessing. I’ve hit my rock bottom that many times because I’ve so many lessons on the way back up.”
Today, living in Cardiff, Jon has launched his own thriving landscaping business – Fewswire Garden and Landscaping Services – working with five subcontractors.
Alongside mentoring and guiding some of those he works with he also has a passion project which is growing by the week – Fewsion Collective.
A not-for-profit platform which celebrates neurodiversity, Fewsion is more than anything a collection of like-minded people creating everything from drill and grime music, artwork and clothes to start a conversation about how they feel.
With more than 40 contributors it has yet to take its final shape but is quickly gaining momentum, partnered with Inkspot Venue in Splott and volunteer-led support service It’s Worth Talking About.
More than anything Jon wants Fewsion to be a place where those who may not know about traditional mental health charities or may not necessarily feel they want that type of support can come to chat, learn and create. Moving away from flowery language or cartoons of childhood characters that other organisations might use to talk about mental health, he wants his creation to be a place where teenagers and young people from every walk of life can come to be themselves.
He said: “People with mental health challenges or neurodiversity are people we need to celebrate. We want to give people with mental health challenges or neurodiversity a platform to shine to showcase their ability. If we can showcase their ability it can increase their opportunities.
“There is a huge amount of benefits from having mental health challenges. You can relate better, you can understand your feelings, you can pick up things from other people easier. And actually we should be looking at this because isn’t that fantastic?
“Some people wish that they could think like you, could be as caring as you.”
He added: “I needed this new way of life to get this across to people because I don’t want people to feel the way I did for 40 years. I have a duty of care now to get it into young people at an early age.
“Everyone talks about suicide and they say: ‘Go and and talk to someone, go and get help,’ But if these people don’t know how they’re feeling in the first place how are they going to get help?
“I wanted to try and get to people at a younger age to build that foundation to allow them to relate and understand how they feel so one day they can say: ‘Yeah I’m depressed today, I’m feeling s**t today, I’m going to ride this through because I know other people do.’
“I want to empower people.”
Find out more at www.facebook. com/fewsioncollective
For confidential support the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.