When you’re in the biscuit tin, be fully emerged in it
never know what kind of spread there’ll be in the next life.
The best advice I read recently was: “If you’re going to do something, do it fully.” That something could be nothing – if it is, enjoy every second of it and do absolutely NOTHING. Fully enjoy whatever experience you have in mind, otherwise you will ruin it by feeling guilty the entire time.
I’m talking: only get out of bed when you’ve had all the dreams and fantasies you can muster up. Don’t bother washing yourself at all – who thanks you for that? Most importantly, eat everything you’ve ever wanted this season. Personal trainers, gyms and exercise DVDs all exist for a reason. Here’s a lazy tip – throw on a few extra jumpers, the heat can sweat out the consumption overload without you having to move. When you’re in the biscuit tin, be fully emerged in the tin. Become one with the tin. The feeling of completion is amazing. Be in the moment as much as you can.
I opened a jar of Nutella when I started writing this and I am now finished the jar. Yes, that’s right – I am a legend.
We’ve all suffered the misfortune of investing emotionally in something that hasn’t worked out as we had hoped. My aim in the new year is to not let excitement take over logic anymore. The lesson I learned is trying not to get excited about anything, without being dead inside.
This is very difficult for me, as I’m a very passionate person with very little patience. I struggle to disguise my feelings, whether it’s happiness or anger. I’m like the Hulk, but more of a corned beef colour than green, and more soft skin, lady lumps than muscle. I thank my Irish and Scottish heritage for my wildling traits.
Nothing meaningful in life is easy. In the wise words of my other good friend, Whitney Houston: “Step by step, day by day,” you know the rest. Things take time, practice and patience, supposedly – which I of course find annoying. Attempts at positive change become practice and hopefully improvement.
This new year I am going to try to do the tiniest, simplest thing just that bit better each day. For example, if I want to eat chocolate, then I’ll go for anything that’s brown in the kitchen. Boy, have I learned lessons, especially when we got the dog. #HealthWarning: If it smells like crap, it’s probably crap!
Obviously, take all my advice with a pinch of salt, pepper and nuts. Some people love nuts, some people are allergic – take advice at your own risk.
I will be accepting jars of unopened Nutella at my gigs in exchange for hugs, the very first weekend of the new year, in The Stand, Glasgow.