Straight to the point with the Celtic bos s
Tony’s Down Under Diary: Jarvis Cocker, Michael Palin and Sydney Opera House
G’ DAY Sport, “Cause everybody hates a tourist. Especially one who thinks it’s all such a laugh...” Those words were penned by the inimitable wordsmith that is Jarvis Cocker of the Indie band Pulp. I’ll return to them in due course.
First, dear reader, I’ll let you into a wonderful showbiz secret: I once shook the great man’s hand after a gig in Glasgow’s Mayfair in the mid1990s.
I was 22 at the time, a student at Strathclyde University studying English and politics. This was one hell of a gig. Pulp were supporting Saint Etienne ( the group, not the football team).
During a particularly rousing rendition of their song entitled ‘ His n Hers’ ( it’s on the Babies EP for those who are of the mind to check it out) Cocker took it upon himself to waltz into the crowd and ask the audience members what made them frightened. It’s all part of the performance.
Yours truly was mesmerised. I wanted to get a closer look at this lanky force of nature. Then, all of a sudden, he did an about- turn and started heading in my general direction.
My moment duly arrived. The music was brought down low and the singer just reached out and, in hushed tones, whispered into the microphone: “You sir, what makes you frightened?”
“You at the minute!” I replied.
Cocker smiled and outstretched his hand and whispered two words back down the microphone: “Good answer!”
I’ve been a devoted fan of the band ever since.
Now, the reason I mentioned those Pulp lyrics is that I finally had a bit of a tourist day in Australia. It was a rare chance to go sightseeing and post a few videos on The Celtic Way TikTok.
I had those words swirling around my head as I tried to shake off the tourist tag in downtown Sydney. It turns out everybody in Australia doesn’t hate a tourist. These people couldn’t have been any nicer when it came to helping out a 50- year- old man who looked like a five- year- old boy who’d just lost both his parents in a busy shop.
I couldn’t come to Sydney and not take in the worldfamous Opera House and Harbour Bridge, could I? That would be akin to committing a crime. How far was it from the hotel? How would I get there? What was the best way to go – tram, bus, taxi?
I asked at reception. It turns out that the tram car that runs directly opposite the Great Southern Hotel goes straight to
Circular Quay. Line 2. On the way back, you are getting off at Haymarket. Don’t forget to tap your credit card whenever you get on and off the tram, as you run the risk of being fined.
Here I was in a major city in the world yet, within two minutes of a conversation with a wonderful hotel receptionist, I was feeling like Michael Palin.
Once you’re armed with knowledge – local or global – it doesn’t really matter, does it? You can do anything and achieve everything. What seemed daunting to me five minutes ago actually turned into a total breeze.
It also got me thinking... deeply. You probably heard my brain rattling about my skull back in the UK. Are all Aussies that succinct and to the point? There seems to be no messing about with them on anything.
If that is the case, then surely the same logic applies to Celtic manager Ange Postecoglou.
Technically the Hoops boss is a Greek, but he’s as Aussie as they come. The purpose of my being Down Under, dear reader, is of course to follow the exploits and fortunes of the Scottish Premiership champions in the Sydney Super Cup.
Since the ex- Socceroos coach came to Glasgow, he has been a fantastic orator and a wonderful communicator.
He just tells it like it is. When the Parkhead side lost their opening match to Sydney FC but there were no mixed messages from the 57- year- old.
He told them straight that it was not what he expected.
Postecoglou is never bold or brash with any statements he makes regarding his football club. It is just him being, well, an Aussie really. If you don’t listen the first time and you
I enjoy it when things go well, I don’t enjoy it when they don’t
don’t understand, then he’s not repeating it.
It was akin to the wonderful women behind the Great Southern hotel reception desk. She didn’t have to repeat her instructions to this tourist though. They were as clear as day.
Aussies clearly do great lines of communication it seems – and it is small wonder then that these Celtic players do not often get lost under the former Brisbane Roar boss’s directions.
That said, somehow you would know you wouldn’t want to be the Celt who gets on the wrong side of his manager, would you?
As the 57- year- old said after the Sydney FC defeat, he did not bring his players back to the country of his birth to become tourists.
“I’m not here on a holiday. I am here representing our football club and that’s where my focus is,” he said at the time.
“I’m not going to be getting a boat around the harbour tomorrow. I enjoy it when things go well, I don’t enjoy it when they don’t.”
It’s reactions and words like that which have endeared Postecoglou to the Hoops faithful. The Parkhead manager doesn’t have to make a Sydney Opera House song and dance about anything and everything.
It’s also largely why when supporters hear of him being linked with a move away to the likes of Brighton, Everton and Japan, they become all protective.
The very thought of the Australian upping sticks and leaving the club at this particular juncture in his career trajectory – for want of a better expression – would crush the hearts of the fans to a Pulp.