Why it is al­ways bet­ter to re­solve con­flict than avoid it

Gloucestershire Echo - - HEALTH & LIFESTYLE - WITH DR EL­LIE MILBY Dr El­lie Milby is a coun­selling psy­chol­o­gist

When we have the skills to do this, con­flict pro­vides the op­por­tu­nity to strengthen re­la­tion­ships rather than dam­age them.

Gen­er­ally speak­ing, ef­fec­tively man­ag­ing con­flict in­volves stay­ing calm, em­pathis­ing with the other per­son’s point of view, a will­ing­ness to com­pro­mise and the abil­ity to move past con­flict with­out cling­ing to feel­ings of re­sent­ment.

In re­solv­ing con­flicts, be will­ing to re­ally lis­ten, pay­ing at­ten­tion to what the other per­son is feel­ing as well as say­ing and re­sist­ing the urge to jump in be­fore they have fin­ished speak­ing. If the re­la­tion­ship is re­ally im­por­tant to you, pri­ori­tise main­tain­ing the re­la­tion­ship over be­ing “right”.

All re­la­tion­ships in­volve give and take. Fix­at­ing on win­ning an ar­gu­ment or keep­ing the up­per hand is a sure fire way of alien­at­ing the peo­ple you care about.

Peo­ple of­ten say “for­give and for­get” but I pre­fer for­giv­ing and let­ting go. For­give­ness might mean ac­cept­ing an apol­ogy when it’s of­fered, not get­ting caught up in as­sign­ing blame and re­sist­ing the urge to pun­ish.

Rather than for­get­ting your con­flicts, use them as an op­por­tu­nity for learn­ing and per­sonal growth. Let go of anger and agree to dis­agree when nec­es­sary.

Re­solv­ing con­flicts in this way is a path to deeper con­nec­tion and in­ti­macy.

For­give and let go for a health­ier re­la­tion­ship

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